Tag: #selflove

Self-Love

emyminzel

How Kundalini Yoga taught me what it really means to love myself.

I used to think that self-love was taking time for long baths, getting a massage, going the spa, or some kind of timeout from the world to focus on myself. Yes! These are all wonderful and necessary things to do for yourself. However, if you really think about it. These things are just bodily upkeep, not self-love.

It occurred to me the thought of routine maintenance was sort of radical to me and so it felt like it was self-love. And in some ways, it was, because it showed me that taking time for myself was just not something I put on my list of high priorities.

Like many women I was conditioned to give, give, give until I crashed. I would get to the point where I literally got sick because my body was revolting from the lack of care. Does this sound familiar? The self-love I speak of is the kind that nurtures and heals the mind, body, and spirit in a healthy way.

Maybe some people even think of self-love as selfish or something that comes from the ego. “Oh, I’m so great! I’m the best! I am much better than you!” (Inserting sarcasm here.) There are people like this yes, but this is not the kind of self-love I am referring to. Also, I advise you to keep your distance from those folks for many reasons we can discuss another day.

Over the years my thoughts on self-love have swayed from one extreme to the other. None of them were sustainable. As a massage therapist, yoga studio owner and teacher, wife, mother, volunteer, advocate and so much more… I have finally come to realize from experience and witnessing how others do life, what it really means to love yourself.

Trust me, it took many years of learning what self-love NOT was, to see what it truly was. One of my favorite quotes says. “To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.” This is just a funny way to say how we can and do learn from mistakes. It is important to laugh at yourself and show just as much compassion in the way you speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend.

My journey to actualizing self-love is continuous, as I keep learning more about myself and what I truly need to be balanced. What I have come to see is that self-love is more about parenting yourself with kind discipline. Listen… If you know me at all. The word discipline makes my skin crawl.

My body and mind even react to the word discipline with disgust. I am now able to see that I’ve stored previous traumas from experiencing abuse of power in the name of discipline that makes me react this way. Probably this is the reason I rebelled against ‘self-discipline’ for so darn long!

Once I became a young adult, I had allowed myself way too much freedom frequently rocking it till the wheels fell off. The only regular bodily maintenance I did was, so I stayed clean and didn’t die! Sadly, but not uncommon for lots of folks. This was my only self-care back then. Mind, and spirit health were not even on my radar.

Which put me on the path to heal trauma caused by others and now trauma I had inadvertently caused to myself. I know I am not alone here. So, I have done myself a favor and reframed the word discipline in my mind by changing it to self-love. This means doing the things you don’t want to do just because you know it’s good for you.

Like when a parent teaches you brushing your teeth twice a day is important maintenance. I needed to reframe my thoughts on parenting myself to do the same with my lifestyle choices, my time, and my focus.

I have learned self-love looks like getting up early or eating dinner a little later to get some exercise in because it’s great for my entire being. It is proven exercise has a profound positive effect on your entire being. I’ve learned exercising the body makes the internal systems flow better, it produces endorphins and hormones that boost my mental health, which in turn naturally lifts my spirit. Exercise is truly mind, body, spirit self-love.

When I was able to see exercise that I enjoyed like yoga was not a duty or a bad word. It is truly a gift I can give myself when I make self-love a priority. In yoga we use asana/physical exercise to stress the body then we have savasana which is the rest at the end of our practice. Just like children and puppies… It’s much easier as an adult to rest the body and mind after we have exercised!

Some of us have very physical jobs, like me. Occasionally just to get up when the house is quiet and have meditative time to myself with my coffee feels like self-love. Peace, stillness, and rest are just as important as exercise for the mind, body, spirit.

Meditation is really useful if you have an over active mind that likes to chatter. We call that the monkey mind in yoga. Mantra Meditations, Guided meditation or Yoga Nidra are excellent tools to get into the practice of quieting the mind. Being mindful of your inner dialog is also important. Your body hears what you say about it and so does your spirit. Practicing Ahimsa/non-violence and maintaining a kind inner voice can help stabilize your emotional state.

After several 40-day continuous practices of Kundalini yoga kriyas. This discipline showed me that putting my needs and goals first is self-love! Sometimes self-love/discipline looks like saying no to social functions that sound fun but will throw off my schedule or bump into the priorities that are important. If saying yes, makes me feel guilty about letting myself down by not getting what I desire done. It’s not worth it. My needs are important.

Reframing discipline in this way has really changed my outlook on what self-love truly is.

It looks like boundaries on my time, energy, emotional state in my relationships or work life. It looks like putting off chores to fulfill the needs of my body, mind and spirit. Chores are always going to be there. So what if the house is a bit cluttered! People live here gosh darn it! I learned I was able to tackle it better when I was in a balanced state anyway.

Sometimes we think caring for our spirit only happens on Sunday at church. That is not true at all. Caring for your spirit means you feel peaceful, and content. If the other parts of your life are out of tune, there is no way our soul is serene. You can have feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, or exhaustion just from a neglected spirit!  

Maybe self-love means you must take time to heal relationships with your body, people, work, money, time, rest, play or even your creativity. Maybe you need to get your veggies in or subtract something from your diet. The list is endless. Only you know where you are off balance. Your heart and spirit always know.

Taking the time to get quiet and tune into your mind, body and spirit can really scare some people. It doesn’t have to be scary if you reframe the intention behind it into an act of self-love. Going within to ask yourself the introspective questions that matter most is a good place to start when you are feeling uncomfortable inside.

Just ask yourself why am I uncomfortable today? What do I need most to get back into balance? Where can I start? Practicing listening to your intuition connects you to your higher self. The higher self is another way to speak of the inner voice inside of you that knows better. Yet is often overridden by the ego or outside expectations.

When life gets busy or there is just so much going on I must prioritize. I have a few mantras I have given myself that help me give myself permission to take time I need to care for my mind, body, and spirit.

These ones are my favorite.

“I keep the promises I make to myself, because I am worthy of the life I desire.”

“I give myself permission to make time, to create and heal.”

“I get to make the rules for my life!”

“My body is loved, my mind meditated, and life is balanced. I help my soul to smile.”

“I am important. My needs are important. I matter too.”

I have a great friend and kundalini warrior partner. We do the 40-day kriyas together and check in daily with each other to keep track. Even when those kriya challenges are done we often check in almost daily and ask each other. “What have you done today to make yourself feel loved? What are you proud of today?”

It can look like a walk on a nature path with my dog. A long Epsom salt bath and dry brushing to stimulate lymph flow. It can look like taking a nap if that is what I feel I need most that day. It can even look like getting my annoying taxes done so I can move forward and get that off the to-do list! Maybe you need to go out and play with friends, have some tea and connect. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

The point is we make sure to do something for ourselves daily because our health matters to our mental state, and the mental state matters to our spiritual contentment. These habits and rituals did not come naturally to me until I started practicing yoga. Asana yoga was great for my body but finding kundalini yoga changed my life. Encouraging consistency, discipline/self-love, and dedication to my spiritual practice.

It was the yoga that I felt most encompassed a practice that I could do and enjoy doing daily. Kriyas can be extremely challenging or very gentle depending on which kriya you practice. There is so much variety I am never bored. The way it encompassed the mind, body, and spirit part is what got me hooked. If you are interested in finding out more, I welcome you to try it! I offer classes in the studio and online at spiritriveryoga.com.

It felt important to me to share with you how yoga changed my life. It was not all at once, not in one day, or a week. I look forward to seeing how it will continue to transform me from the inside out as I continue down the yoga path. I hope that this article inspires you in some way to see self-love in a different way. May it help propel a positive change of any kind for you.

Much love and many blessings,

Emy Minzel

CMT – 500RYT

Spirit River Yoga and Massage LLC

Spiritriveryogaandmassage.com

BWCA Adventure Sister

Emyminzel.com

Shifting in sharing my caring ~

emyminzel

I’ve been asked to write a mission statement for the campaign to help me decided on running for State Representative in 2020. This request got me really thinking about the crossroads I am sitting at and what direction would be best for me.

How do I want to spend the next years of my life, and how will it feel when doing so? I can take two very different journeys depending on my decision. This choice is hard because it’s a big one that will change the trajectory of my days, my future.

Who am I really at my core? I know I have a desire to help others, I care deeply for people, all living beings and the planet. I ask myself over and over. “What is the best way for me to put these passions to good use? I have had the extraordinary opportunity to try different approaches on for size and see how I felt doing so.

The political path is exciting, empowering, educational, and brought me closer to the members of my community. There are also downsides of this choice. Politics are not conducive to balance in lots of areas of my life. There is a sacrifice of family time, personal desires, career, and on top of the lack of help I would need. Not to mention the contentious arena that supports a Bloods Vs. Crips kind of rivalry.

Listen, I will fight if I have too. But deep down, I am a lover, not a fighter. Lately, I feel the calling of peace. Many people were surprised by my choice to jump into the political arena in the first place. I would often think of it as an avenue to express an alter ego side of me. I was often conflicted in my mind and heart following the political trail. Not in policies but in my personal life.

At times I would even compare myself to Bruce Banner and the Incredible Hulk. To continue the governmental track would mean to endure more of this same frustration. Is pursuing this political path worth my balance, wellbeing and the future of my life. Is there another way to make a difference that feels better?

Over and over, I asked myself what if’s, how and why? Can I make a difference in the world around me in a different way that feels good to me, my family, and those I love? I work from home for a reason, and I love it here. I live a blessed life I am beyond thankful for it. These questions got me looking within, getting back to my roots, surrounding myself with loved ones that know my heart.

I was asking myself the hard questions of who I want to be as I grow into this next pivotal transformation in life. I am thankful for the time I have had to contemplate the pros and cons of each choice and how it will affect me and others I care most about. I am thankful for the opportunity to see myself in the future and how I think it will look.

When I started this political journey, I had called on the inspiration of my grandmother, EmaDee, who was a Registered Nurse for over 40 years in a very small-town hospital. She was a good, kind, and caring person who had a positive impact on her community just by showing up and being herself. My grandmother is one of my heroes because of these traits. I’ve always wanted to be like her in this way.

This desire has never wavered or changed. It was the way I was going about it that altered. I have been allowed time to process this shift, how it feels to me, how it affected my family, and how it changed me has been a blessing.

I know I can still be politically active in a different and muted approach. I do not have to be the candidate; I can be supportive of the changes I wish to see differently. I am excited to see the next candidate get the opportunity to share their passion for our community in such a big way! I can support others who run by being a cog in the wheel of revolution.

My voice does matter and how I used it counts. I have come to see that this political path is a little too extra for me at this time in my life. There must be a balance in the way I care for myself and others. Right now, I feel that I must focus on helping me before I tackle the problems of a whole community. I am choosing to put the oxygen mask on myself first.

Who I am in my soul is full of spirit, love, compassion, and joy. To choose a path that supports and nurtures this part of me means I am kind and truthful with myself. I have a massage therapy practice that fills me with purpose and brings many wonderful people into my life. The real me behind the political persona is a hippie at heart. I am content with being precisely this — just me. I don’t need a microphone to be myself.

Understandably, there may be some disappointment by some, but I must do what is best from me at this time. I have chosen to take the alternate path and continue my career in caring. I’ll begin with Yoga teacher training and see where I go from there. I am choosing to foster the goodness in myself by finding the balance I seek.

I hope to share this kindness with the people around me in a similar way. Teaching is also a powerful approach to help foster a positive, feel-good effect on myself, my family, and the community I love! By sharing my caring in a different form, I can open more hearts, bring inner peace and Zen, with an agenda to create a community of acceptance and connection.

This teaching opportunity can also be a powerful technique in being the change I wish to see in the world. I wish to see more love, more kindness, and more connection to one another. This decision is how I am choosing to be the change. Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey through life together. I cherish you.

Nameste!

With love,

Emy Minzel

 

Visit me at :

EmyMinzel.com

EmyMinzel.AdventureSister@gmail.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

 

Stacy Crep ~

https://stacycrep.com

 

Photo credit – Emy Minzel, Wild rose bush with bee in my back yard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who do you think you are?!

emyminzel

Do you ever dream big and aim for the stars doing something you really want too? Then when you start to take the steps. It seems that once in a while, your self-doubt whispers in the back of your mind. “Who do you think you are?! What makes you think you can do this?”

It’s like there’s a grumpy angel sitting on my shoulder, asking me. “Do you remember where you come from? Let me remind you of all these limiting the beliefs you picked up along the way. Girl, it’s me. Your debilitating doubt, reminding you to watch yourself! Who gave you permission to succeed anyway?! Certainly not me.”

This sounds so silly to write it out and then read. Yet, I genuinely believe I am not the only person to fight these limiting thoughts. It has become a habit for me to write about life lessons and roadblocks to process them. As far as coping mechanisms go, writing is my healthiest. Even then, sometimes, I feel like who cares? Why do I feel this pull and desire to share such personal information?

I believe it’s not that I need someone to care per se. What I need is to feel like I am helping someone else. Isn’t that peculiar? I am a certified massage therapist, I volunteer in my community, and I have a passion for protecting the environment. Yet, with all the action I take to “help” others, I still feel that there is more to do. Then I get frustrated when I don’t see it happening fast enough.

I have this pull to write what I live; in case someone needs to hear they are not alone. Selfishly it feels like I need to write to help myself too. I just listened to a song that said. “Take your time. Life’s lessons are not learned in a day.” How powerful this short phrase is at the exact moment when I seem to be in a hurry to know it all and do it all; like, RIGHT NOW!

Even though I know in my heart that life is a beautiful journey meant to be savored and enjoyed one day at a time. Apparently, I have the patience of Hulu on pause, because when I feel my effort isn’t progressing somewhere fast enough, I get down on myself and just quit moving. That jerk voice in the back of mind kicks in its two cents and asks. “So, this is it then?! Nice try. Remember who you are, sit down and shut up.” Unfortunately, lately, I have been complying.

What an a$$Hole I am to myself sometimes hey?! I mean really, I don’t talk to my friends like this. Why do I speak to myself this way? Where does this icky habit of doubt come from? I honestly think it comes from my lack of patience and just maybe… a buried fear of success. This also seems silly when I write it. Who fears success?!

Most people I know, try every day to succeed on their personal paths. I guarantee they have doubts as well, but do they handle them better than I do? There are days I feel like throwing in the towel on all of it. That dark angel on my shoulder tells me maybe I should just go get a regular job, so I don’t have to worry about doing the books, finding clients, and building my business.

Why do I volunteer my time instead of crawling into bed with a good book and my dog? Why do I pursue politics that get me all riled up, instead of working more on balancing my Zen?! Why do I stifle my creativity because I fear judgment from those who do not create themselves? Why, do I want to have it ALL?! Is what I am working towards even attainable?

Also, why do I have so many questions about life? I hope this is coming across in a friendly and relatable way. There must be others out there who struggle with doubt when pursuing dreams and goals. Are there other people who can relate to my frustration with the pace of life when you feel like you’ve been working so hard but just to feel as if your spinning wheels?

Listen, I believe if every one of us put our problems in a pile, most of us would choose to keep our own instead of trade. This frustration I feel is not a problem, it is an obstacle I know I can navigate. Yet, it feels like I need to a little help to push through right about now. I think we are all in this world together, so I’d like to ask for your help.

What do you do or tell yourself to keep your head up and hopes high? What would you tell your best friend asking this same advice on this topic? I am a fan of sharing sisterhood support, and I’d love to hear from you today!

P.s. I’d love to hear who you think you are! And what obstacle are you working to overcome right now!

Sending the intention of encouragement and self-love to you!

Wishing you the luck you need today,

Love, Emy Minzel 

 Visit me at :

EmyMinzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Contact me at: EmyMinzel.AdventureSister@gmail.com

 

Stacy Crep ~

https://stacycrep.com

Photo Credit – Emy Minzel – Slim Lake, Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness – Ely, Minnesota

 

 

Self-sabotage: Do you do it?

emyminzel

I consider myself a continuous student of life. I love to learn about the world around me, and even more mysterious, the world within myself. Self-growth has been an important catalyst to get where I am today. Having the guts to look in the mirror and call myself out on my BS, has been life-changing for me, in the very best of ways. However, I know that I will never really be done learning about the world or myself.

There are habits I have that are clear as the noon sun glaring in my eyes. I figured I better pay attention to these signs. Often when I am feeling uncomfortable about a situation, this is when I know it is time to do some growing. Lately, I have been focused on changing some very ingrained habits. If you have ever tried to do so, you know how hard it can seem.

This got me thinking, are these habits just self-sabotage in disguise? Because I love to learn, and Google knows everything, I did some research and found a great article on Psychologytoday.com that laid it all out in black and white. According to Ellen Hendriksen Ph.D. article, “Why do we self-sabotage?” There are several reasons! (I will share the link with you in references) In short, this is what I learned.

  1. Self-worth – Not feeling worthy of success, or confident enough to try.
  2. Control – We are controlling our failure. In our minds, a controlled dumpster fire is a better option than publicly failing, so we sabotage.
  3. Perceived fraudulence – Not acknowledging our growth and view others to think of us a fraud or fake. We may reach our goals while secretly worrying about the judgment of others.
  4. Scapegoating – The blame game. Saying, because of one mistake, you chose to scrap the whole thing.
  5. Familiarity – If we are used to being overlooked, put down, underestimated and even dismissed, the feeling of attention is uncomfortable and success or accolades feel weird!
  6. Boredom – Stirring up drama and conflict, to use our power in some way to cause disturbance for a distraction.

She even states that; “the root of all self-sabotage is the fear of failure!” What a coincidence! I just wrote a blog about free falling through fear (https://emyminzel.com/2019/04/05/free-falling-through-fear/)

I was so caught up with the fear of the unknown, that I recognized it was stunting my growth where I was working to improve. These habits I wish to quit, are my very own weapons of self-sabotage! Indeed, I was on to something here!

I finally see that I am a great warrior. All the unhealthy habits I cling too, are just the same ones that keep me stuck. Ellen’s article states these behaviors spring from a subconscious fear that, trying my best, won’t be enough.  Whoa… busted.

I find it comforting and magically synchronistic that I happened to see this article at this exact moment. While I am acutely aware of the persistent pestering of demanding negative habits, that keep racking my brain, I am working on letting go of these habits, though I seem to want to keep them as badly as I want to let go.

Doing my daily exercise of Kundalini Yoga Nabhi Kriya, I got an idea for a mantra that I plan to use when feeling the tug of these old habits. It wrote it down on a note card and taped this mantra in a spot I see often. I may even put it in the bathroom with the others. It says.

“I keep the promises that I make to myself. Because I am worthy of the life, I desire.”

It’s nice to recognize why we do the things we do, especially when they are harmful so that we can move past them. When I find out more information about myself or my tendencies, I use this knowledge to make the changes I wish to see.  This lesson has come in the right way at the right time, and I am thankful for hearing it.

Stacy and I have dreams and goals that are big and wonderful! Honestly, deep down that does scare me a little bit! The Universe is asking us to level up again, and as wonderful that is, I do worry that I am not good enough. I know I am not the only person who worries about their abilities. I also believe the only way we can find out how able we are, is to do it anyway, even though we are scared. I am willing to do all I can to get to the root of any self-sabotage and defeat my fear of failure.

I trust the Universe to send these Adventure Sisters, lessons through joy, because I know that’s what we truly desire! We both simultaneously practice various personal and spiritual growth rituals. We are both doing our best to nurture better habits for our wellbeing. I tell you what. Making change is hard!

Sometimes, we fail and fall hard flat on our faces. But we encourage each other to get back up. We remind each other how worthy and able we are of achieving our goals if we do not quit. I wanted to encourage you to keep with the promises you make to yourself today. And remind you that you are worthy of all you desire too!

I love you.

Love and blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

www.AdventurewithEmyandStacy.com

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

Reference;

www.quickanddirtytips.com/savvy-psychologist

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201710/why-do-we-self-sabotage-0

*Photo taken on the Babtism River, Tettegouche State Park, Minnesota

 

 

 

Promises, promises…

emyminzel

Have you ever started a diet or exercise routine, vowing to buckle down and get in shape? Then, only a week or two later, you’ve had enough and just throw in the towel altogether. I am willing to bet most people have done such a thing once or twice in their lifetime. Why is it that some of us just have the willpower to make these changes stick and others don’t?! Sure, some of it has to do with habits, addictions, laziness and genetics, but what I believe it all boils down to is… self-love.

Recently I started another 40-day Kundalini Kriya practice. I got to day 4 and decided I really didn’t want to do it today. Then came day 5 and 6, with no effort to begin again and this got me thinking. “Why is it so easy to break promises to myself? Why is okay to let myself down when I would not do that to someone else?” It was as if I heard my angels talking to me; because after asking these questions the answer seemed so simple yet jarring. I heard. “Love yourself.”

It doesn’t even have to be health related. It can be that you are sick of your job. Everyday you come home burnt out, frustrated and angrily telling yourself. “I need a new job!”  You truly want to look for another one but are just not able to get yourself to make the move you desire. So, you keep suffering, because the devil you know is better than the unknown right?

Again, I think this self-sabotaging behavior is just about the lack of self-love. Because you don’t know how to love yourself, or care deeply about your own wellbeing and all that entails, you can’t foster your own happiness. Like they say, the struggle is real. Maybe it’s based on the way I was raised. The biggest role models in my life have always been care-takers who have followed this same pattern.

My grandmother and mother worked very hard daily, taking care of others, with little time for themselves. Always putting other’s needs before their own. It was what they were taught to do and expected of them. Now that I am older and willing to look within, I see myself doing the very same thing. I believe this lack of knowledge, or examples on how to love myself fully, is what subconciously lays beneath the surface of my failures.

It’s time to break this cycle and keep promises made to myself. Some of us are better at self-care than others. When I say self-love, I mean all that encompasses caring for yourself; mind, body and spirit. Even financial wellness habits are included in what’s for, or not for our greatest and highest good. It is a lot to deal with everyday when you look at it all entails while still tending to lifes demands.

Yet, it all comes down to Self-love. Period. I feel this self-awareness is coming to me for a reason. When it feels as if life is consistently kicking me in the face, it’s because I’m just not listening to the whispers of wisdom, I know I hold deep down inside. It is divine guidance demanding me to ‘level-up’ for my own good. Yesterday I restarted a 40-day practice of Nabhi Kriya, along with other dietary and behavior changes as a promise to me.

I promise to prove my love to myself as consistantly as I try to prove my love for others. I promise to love myself enough to say no to what insults my inner wisdom. I promise to grab my self-care habits by the lapel and remind them I am not F’ng around with this gift of life I’ve been blessed with. I am worthy of my own love and care. I know I’m good at it!

It’s up to me and only me to keep these promises to myself. I hold the power, the passion and the determination to keep these promises. I must not rely on others for my own accountability or understanding. Even though it is nice to feel supported; when it comes down to it… it’s still all up to me. Every promise to change can only come from within and the resolve to love myself fully for my greatest good.

I promise to remind myself of all of this, when I want to quit.

To everyone struggling to practice self-love, break habits and make hard changes, I see you. I love you. You are not alone. We got this.

Wishing you love and blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com