Ugh! Do you ever have big arguments in a close relationship and then you just get lost in them? I mean like, losing days, weeks and even months of your life because they are blanketed with a sense of sadness, anger and disappointment. I realize this from personal experience of course, because that is how I learn best.
Recently, I have let disagreements with loved ones overshadow my love of life. The things I once loved to do have fallen by the wayside so I could focus on being fully and completely pissed off at everything. Do you ever have those times? It’s not in my nature to be so angry for so long, yet I was, and I let it take over.
There are things I know for sure and lots that I have left to learn. What I know for sure is that life isn’t meant to be dreaded, tolerated or merely survived. When the whole world around you seems to be crumbling to the ground, it is our opportunity to pick up those pieces and build the life we truly want, in the way that works for us. In this tough emotional time I had to allow things to crumble to see what stayed.
It’s tough to admit that is up to us to take responsibility, brush ourselves off and get back into the sweet flow of life. Nobody else can do that for you or me, as much as we would like the help up onto our feet. The Universe says. “Nope. This is your job.” Happiness is an inside job and should not be dependent on your relationships, career, or goals.
You cannot give the responsibility of your contentment or healing to anyone else but yourself. Taking yoga teacher training has helped me do much needed inner work to find what it is that makes me happy beyond these things we let define us. It’s something that I knew in my head yet found hard to put into practice of my life consistently.
We often ask others for advice and I’ve learned it’s better to go within and ask yourself what to do especially with intimate relationships. Once the power of emotion has settled, our inner wisdom has a lot to offer us if we are willing to trust it, and ourselves. This time ruminating was also a blessing that offered healing. I was able to accept responsibility for my part and make the motions to course correct.
Yet, how is it fair if I don’t offer the same compassion, time and opportunity to process these big emotions to the other person in this story? They are hurt and trying to heal too.
Sharing life with loved ones is challenging when we grow at different speeds, in different directions and in different ways. Sometimes it seems clear and apparent we are going in opposite directions testing our skills of communication, compassion and love. This is marriage, this is family, friendship and life. Right? Right.
During this inner conflict, I have learned I must heal myself, and the emotional wounds before moving forward. I learned this because I kept licking it and preventing myself from healing. Dragging out the time I needed to heal the wound that came in between my relationships. I had to do my own inner work.
Pointing fingers, placing blame or denying any responsibility in relationship problems is childish no matter how old you are… Doing the work to accept that maybe we aren’t innocent or perfect after all is entirely better for spiritual growth than forgiving others for wrongs against you.
We only know our version of the story in a relationship. It’s also the only story we have the ability to edit and change what we will except and allow in our lives. Opening our hearts to the possibility we don’t know the whole narrative is hard yet transformative.
To love someone unconditionally means that you love the hurt, wounded parts of them that lash out and bleed all over you and vice versa. The longer you share your life with them the more opportunities we have to allow this happen. So, do we say? “F it. I give up on you.” Or do we choose to say. “Well, this sucks, how do we heal it?”.
Just like an earthquake it takes a long time to recover from an emotional disaster that hits a relationship. It can take years if you aren’t willing, ready or able to take responsibly to do the work of the clean-up. This is true for our own personal growth and awareness too.
Cleaning up your own inner garden, taking care of your part of a relationship, doing the work to heal, or choosing to build a wall around your heart is up to you. You get to choose who you are going to be in this world. You can let someone else define you with their projections, or you can create and define yourself.
What I have learned from the pieces of the tumbling tower of these relationships is that it is up to me to fix it. Well, me and the other person, it takes two to have a relationship. We can wish, hope, pray all we want but if we aren’t willing to take the steps, do the work or put in emotional commitment of effort then it’s not going to happen.
You can live life in the pile of rubble, or you get up, dust off and start rebuilding to something better. Life isn’t always full of joy, sunshine and success, sometimes it hands you the gift of breaking down what no longer serves your highest good so that you can start from scratch to nurture what does.
I’ve learned to let go of the hurt and anger because it was only harming me and preventing growth that the Universe/God was intending to manifest. I also learned that letting go was easier than hanging on to patterns, behaviors, and thoughts that were not working.
So, when we watch the relationship towers fall and crumble before our eyes, along with all the work and effort that took years to build. I see now that it was God saying “Nope. Not like that. Here you go, you still have all the pieces, now try again.” Graciously giving us a chance to rebuild a life, relationships/career, that is better suited for us.
It is a blessing in disguise if we aren’t too busy dwelling on the rubble to start gathering up what is salvageable and begin again.
So here I go, allowing the artist in me to create a new way of moving forward with love in my heart. I bless this pain for it called me out, asking me to take back the responsibility of co-creating my beautiful life.
I trust this path is guided by the ultimate Creator/God and that they know exactly what they are doing. The Universe was just handing me the tools and jolt of awakening I needed to believe that I had the power to do so.
Wishing you all security, joy and unconditional love you deserve!
Blessings of health,
Emy Minzel
P.s I wavered about posting a blog that complains about life while there is so much going on with the Coronavirus. In the end, I decided to post it because I’ve realized how much time I’ve wasted being mad, fearful and just unhappy, to take so much time out of my beautiful life.
I believe this virus will have the same effect on the world as my life lesson experience has had on me. It has changed me, and my perspective going forward in how I grow myself and my relationships. I believe we will be given time look around us and see what is truly important. Look and see the blessings in front of you and enjoy them now.
I also believe this is the Universe helping us to see what is not working for greater good. It’s giving us a chance to fix broken healthcare and political systems. Giving us time to see the good in each other while work together to rebuild with the pieces in the aftermath of a pandemic.
As the world goes through this experience together, we will finally be able to see we are all connected. We will see working in unity will be the only way to survive and thrive. I believe there will be light, hope and love at the end of this life lesson given to the world.
I believe we are learning to be kind, caring and loving humans in this mass awakening.
Peace be with you.
Love, Emy
Hank after adoption
Rosie
Emy Minzel 