Tag: #loveeachother

A beautiful blessing of disaster?

emyminzel

Ugh! Do you ever have big arguments in a close relationship and then you just get lost in them? I mean like, losing days, weeks and even months of your life because they are blanketed with a sense of sadness, anger and disappointment. I realize this from personal experience of course, because that is how I learn best.

Recently, I have let disagreements with loved ones overshadow my love of life. The things I once loved to do have fallen by the wayside so I could focus on being fully and completely pissed off at everything. Do you ever have those times? It’s not in my nature to be so angry for so long, yet I was, and I let it take over.

There are things I know for sure and lots that I have left to learn. What I know for sure is that life isn’t meant to be dreaded, tolerated or merely survived. When the whole world around you seems to be crumbling to the ground, it is our opportunity to pick up those pieces and build the life we truly want, in the way that works for us. In this tough emotional time I had to allow things to crumble to see what stayed.

It’s tough to admit that is up to us to take responsibility, brush ourselves off and get back into the sweet flow of life. Nobody else can do that for you or me, as much as we would like the help up onto our feet.  The Universe says. “Nope. This is your job.” Happiness is an inside job and should not be dependent on your relationships, career, or goals.

You cannot give the responsibility of your contentment or healing to anyone else but yourself. Taking yoga teacher training has helped me do much needed inner work to find what it is that makes me happy beyond these things we let define us. It’s something that I knew in my head yet found hard to put into practice of my life consistently.

We often ask others for advice and I’ve learned it’s better to go within and ask yourself what to do especially with intimate relationships. Once the power of emotion has settled, our inner wisdom has a lot to offer us if we are willing to trust it, and ourselves. This time ruminating was also a blessing that offered healing. I was able to accept responsibility for my part and make the motions to course correct.

Yet, how is it fair if I don’t offer the same compassion, time and opportunity to process these big emotions to the other person in this story? They are hurt and trying to heal too.

Sharing life with loved ones is challenging when we grow at different speeds, in different directions and in different ways. Sometimes it seems clear and apparent we are going in opposite directions testing our skills of communication, compassion and love. This is marriage, this is family, friendship and life. Right? Right.

During this inner conflict, I have learned I must heal myself, and the emotional wounds before moving forward. I learned this because I kept licking it and preventing myself from healing. Dragging out the time I needed to heal the wound that came in between my relationships. I had to do my own inner work.

Pointing fingers, placing blame or denying any responsibility in relationship problems is childish no matter how old you are… Doing the work to accept that maybe we aren’t innocent or perfect after all is entirely better for spiritual growth than forgiving others for wrongs against you.

We only know our version of the story in a relationship. It’s also the only story we have the ability to edit and change what we will except and allow in our lives. Opening our hearts to the possibility we don’t know the whole narrative is hard yet transformative.

To love someone unconditionally means that you love the hurt, wounded parts of them that lash out and bleed all over you and vice versa. The longer you share your life with them the more opportunities we have to allow this happen. So, do we say? “F it. I give up on you.” Or do we choose to say. “Well, this sucks, how do we heal it?”.

Just like an earthquake it takes a long time to recover from an emotional disaster that hits a relationship. It can take years if you aren’t willing, ready or able to take responsibly to do the work of the clean-up. This is true for our own personal growth and awareness too.

Cleaning up your own inner garden, taking care of your part of a relationship, doing the work to heal, or choosing to build a wall around your heart is up to you. You get to choose who you are going to be in this world. You can let someone else define you with their projections, or you can create and define yourself.

What I have learned from the pieces of the tumbling tower of these relationships is that it is up to me to fix it. Well, me and the other person, it takes two to have a relationship. We can wish, hope, pray all we want but if we aren’t willing to take the steps, do the work or put in emotional commitment of effort then it’s not going to happen.

You can live life in the pile of rubble, or you get up, dust off and start rebuilding to something better. Life isn’t always full of joy, sunshine and success, sometimes it hands you the gift of breaking down what no longer serves your highest good so that you can start from scratch to nurture what does.

I’ve learned to let go of the hurt and anger because it was only harming me and preventing growth that the Universe/God was intending to manifest. I also learned that letting go was easier than hanging on to patterns, behaviors, and thoughts that were not working.

So, when we watch the relationship towers fall and crumble before our eyes, along with all the work and effort that took years to build. I see now that it was God saying “Nope. Not like that. Here you go, you still have all the pieces, now try again.” Graciously giving us a chance to rebuild a life, relationships/career, that is better suited for us.

It is a blessing in disguise if we aren’t too busy dwelling on the rubble to start gathering up what is salvageable and begin again.

So here I go, allowing the artist in me to create a new way of moving forward with love in my heart. I bless this pain for it called me out, asking me to take back the responsibility of co-creating my beautiful life.

I trust this path is guided by the ultimate Creator/God and that they know exactly what they are doing. The Universe was just handing me the tools and jolt of awakening I needed to believe that I had the power to do so.

Wishing you all security, joy and unconditional love you deserve!

Blessings of health,

Emy Minzel

P.s I wavered about posting a blog that complains about life while there is so much going on with the Coronavirus. In the end, I decided to post it because I’ve realized how much time I’ve wasted being mad, fearful and just unhappy, to take so much time out of my beautiful life.

I believe this virus will have the same effect on the world as my life lesson experience has had on me. It has changed me, and my perspective going forward in how I grow myself and my relationships. I believe we will be given time look around us and see what is truly important. Look and see the blessings in front of you and enjoy them now.

I also believe this is the Universe helping us to see what is not working for greater good. It’s giving us a chance to fix broken healthcare and political systems. Giving us time to see the good in each other while work together to rebuild with the pieces in the aftermath of a pandemic.

As the world goes through this experience together, we will finally be able to see we are all connected. We will see working in unity will be the only way to survive and thrive. I believe there will be light, hope and love at the end of this life lesson given to the world.

I believe we are learning to be kind, caring and loving humans in this mass awakening.

Peace be with you.

Love, Emy

Mirror Mirror on the wall…

emyminzel

Who’s the most stubborn of them all?

Have you heard of the psychological concept called mirroring? It is something people do subconsciously when communicating with each other. Sometimes it helps people seem charming, sociable and friendly. Other times, when we see something in others that we do ourselves but aren’t aware of, it can rub us the wrong way. It will change the way you perceive someone on a subliminal level, both in a good and bad way.

Sometimes we will mimic body languages like smiling, crossing our legs or arms while having a conversation. This involuntary movement helps us connect on a personal level beyond our words. I have heard, that when you notice or perceive an undesirable characteristic in others, it is because you possess the same trait yourself. If you do not like this quality about yourself, you are not going to like it in another person.

Most of the time we do not even know we are mirroring others, or see ourselves in another, although it is a very human attribute. Stacy and I recently had the experience of mirroring each other with our strong wills. I know who she is. I love it that she is strong-willed, determined, driven, and will tell me how she feels even if it is hard. I find it a giant blessing to have a good friend who wears her crown as proudly as I like too! I love these qualities, and we mirror each other in this way.

We have a lot of things in common and robust will power is just one of them. But as you may have guessed, if we turn our willfulness and face each other instead of the world… Well… “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of them all?” Our Boss Queen Crowns get lock horned into a stronghold, and there we are. Crowns crossed and face to face; mirroring our sister.

Well, what do you do then? Since Stacy is a dear friend of mine, I decided its best to take some time and stepped back to contemplate how I was going to handle this delicate matter. I do not want to hurt her but… “I’m right, and she’s wrong.” I know this isn’t true and can guarantee Stacy was thinking the same thing about me! Truth is somewhere in the middle; now it was up to us to find common ground.

Had we not realized we were indeed mirroring each other’s attributes or that we put our friendship before our stubbornness, we would probably still be crown locked. I could easily see how this type of mirroring could be damaging to a relationship or even an everyday encounter if not recognized. I think this type of thing happens a great deal in the real world, and how we chose to handle the situation is vital to the outcome.

I think it’s easy to write off a stranger, co-worker or acquaintance for the rest of your life if you feel strongly that you are in the right. Family and close friends are a different story though, you tend to let love override righteousness in favor of peace in most mirroring situations. This happens in mother/daughter or father/son relationships a lot. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is another way we say it to compare similarities.

Resemblances do not stop us from disagreeing in those moments of discord. What I love about my soul sister and myself is now the same thing that is causing chaos. Mirroring can be very helpful if you are willing to see yourself as others see you. You get the chance to see how it feels to have your behavior inflicted upon yourself and see how you like it.

It can be uncomfortable because growth is often painful. I mean. How, dare she use MY attributes against me?! (Insert sarcasm here.) Seeing myself in my best friends’ actions was awkward. Yet because it was my friend, my response softened, and I did my best to reign in the Boss Queen inside, that likes to call the shots.

I bring up this mystical communication we call mirroring because it’s not talked about much, yet it is used in everyday interactions between all humans. Our exchanges with others very much depends on what kind of energy you are bringing to the situation before you. At work, school, relationships, social media, driving, or at the dinner table. What you put out is what we get back. Attitudes are contagious, so hopefully, we are all doing our best to share sunshine and not BS.

When we see something in another we do not like, maybe it is a sign to go within and fix it in ourselves. Even if we don’t know how to correct our behavior, even noticing our tendencies, is a great way to get to know yourself. I will use this knowledge to temper how I may react in the next similar situation. I think that is how we mature and become the people we want to be. I love using my experiences to grow. I chose to make small changes in myself and do better next time.

If ever I find myself crown locked with another Boss Queen, whether she’s my friend or not. I will stop and see myself in her. I will do my best to practice empathy and really listen to her message. Sometimes, friends and family fight. It is life. But I’ve found it is my willingness to be respectful and negotiate that really allows me to move through to a resolution, that is kind and acceptable for everyone.

This week the mirror showed me a reflection of the Boss Queen inside, getting crown-locked with my soul sister. “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of us all?”

I decided I valued my friendship more than my righteousness. Now I take this lesson and self-awareness into the future with me. I have learned to appreciate the human who mirrors you. It’s a message to help you see yourself. They may be a reflection of you.

Love and blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

www.AdventurewithEmyandStacy.com

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

 

*Photo credit – Pure Heart Memoir

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

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The work is the prayer

emyminzel

“I pray every single moment of my life; not on my knees but with my work.”  Susan B. Anthony

This quote always makes my heart smile and my soul sing. One of my favorite things about my grandmother was that even though she was a good Catholic woman, she did not preach her faith to others, she lived it. She just lived her life as an excellent nurse, wife, mother, grandmother and wonderful caring friend whose life seemed to be her living prayer. She had a wonderful effect on her small town of 600 people over the 60+ years she lived there. She was even out delivering meals on wheels the day she passed away.

 

I admire others who change the world by just being themselves by following their hearts and offering compassion. I believe that even small acts of kindness can make a huge difference to everyone. The person who gives and the one who receives the kindness; are both blessed by the feeling of caring. In a world so big, we must not forget it is the little everyday actions that make up our lives and legacy. My goal is to live my faith; by exhibiting compassion, kindness, and inspiration so others will feel free to share their light as well.

If we all take a moment to share the light inside ourselves with others, it tends to have a chain reaction. It’s as if we take turns relighting the spirit we all hold inside. This is important because there are times in our lives that some candles burn brighter than others and we all need a little motivation (or fuel) to get your pilot lights glowing again.

My friend Stacy and I take turns firing each other up all the time! We hold space and love for each other on our hardest days because we know that life has its ups and downs. During the downs, we do our best to uplift and inspire each other with ideas and suggestions on how to pull ourselves out of these lower vibes.

This doesn’t have to be miraculous or extravagant action, simple things tend to work best. Stacy often will suggest a book, or a Kundalini Yoga set that helps me in just the way I need. We take turns fueling the creative light in each other and then go out and share it. We do this by sharing ourselves with the world through our stories of growth; writing of our life-lessons, the gatherings we hold, coming soon retreats and even in our careers!

I shortened the original quote “The work is the prayer” to inspire myself to keep moving forward with our goals. Our ‘work’ as the Adventure Sisters does not really feel like work at all! I can truthfully say that it feels more like a living prayer. It is what I have to offer the world. The higher power did not give us these skills or desires for without reason. We have them because they are our gifts to the world.

Stacy and I are very different in many ways, yet so perfectly in sync that we complement each other’s strengths and even benefit each other’s weak spots. It is no accident that we came together in this lifetime; we have work to do and we know it. This inner knowing, listening to our guidance and desires to help other women grow and become their best selves, is our way of sharing our light. We believe lighting up even just one person can indeed change the world for the better.

We know this is true because we’ve practiced with each other, our families and our communities with positive results! Sometimes this doesn’t always look like light or sunshine on a beautiful day. Somedays it’s quietly listening and caring through tough times. Such is life though, it is not all sunshine, glitter and rainbows.

We know in those moments of darkness or difficulties, that we tend to grow the most and in the most valuable ways. These times are just as precious as the good days. So, as you go about life, remember that every action can indeed be a light in the world. Even little things like smiling at a stranger in your way at the grocery store, instead of an exhausted sigh and eye roll as an example.

We all have the power to change our world by changing ourselves, our attitude and this also changes our lives. When I am much older and look back at my life, I would love to say I spent my days living my prayer. By following my inner guidance to make the world around me a little kinder and brighter, because of my efforts to spark the light of others.

The work is the prayer!

I’d love to hear what inspires you?! Please feel free to share!

Wishing you love and blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

Will you hold my hand?

emyminzel

Earlier this week, I had a minor surgery to remove a cyst in my neck. The procedure was performed in an operating room. As they wheeled me in, I saw a room full of stainless-steel equipment and nurses bundled up in their surgical garb and masks and remembered I was going to be fully awake for this procedure. The area numbed with Novocain before the doctor was to remove the growth with a scalpel.

Being awake, I made small talk with the nurses, who were very kind and chatted with me too. There was one nurse whose job it was to sit and keep me company, while monitoring my vital signs. I did not think I was nervous since I knew what was going to happen and how it was going to happen. Yet the moment they helped me on to the operating table I seem to have gotten cold feet. I wanted to run away!

When she strapped on the blood pressure cuff, my cover of small talk and cracking jokes was blown! My heartrate and blood pressure were through the roof! Even though I tried to play it cool, statistics showed my body was clearly in fight or flight mode. The nurse, in charge of my vitals, was a welcome distraction from the reality of a large incision being made to my body while awake.

When the doctor walked in, I chatted with her too. She’s become my favorite doctor and I feel very comfortable with her. In my head, I was trying to calm myself, by inducing my own meditative state of breathing deep and such. No luck, my body knew what was going to happen and even though my mind was very logical and factual, my blood pressure was not coming down.

It’s like my body knew trauma was coming and it was very scared. At that moment I knew I needed comfort. I looked at the nurse, who was right next to me the whole time, and asked her. “Will you please hold my hand?”

She obliged kindly and continued to hold my hand for the whole procedure. Doing her best to ask me questions and give me distractions from the doctor and scalpel working diligently behind me. Nurse W told me she was a seasoned nurse, working part-time until retirement. I could tell. She had calmness and caring demeanor only years of practice can produce. It made me feel like I could ask her to help me in the only way she could, by holding my hand.

Isn’t it funny how you can find comfort in a perfect stranger’s hand in a time of trauma, anxiety or extreme stress? Okay, maybe funny isn’t the word. It is quite a miracle and blessing that humans can form a connection so quickly in times of need. What is even more beautiful is the nurse who chose to make this her life path; to help strangers with kindness and compassion in very stressful moments.

Nurses, Doctors, Firemen, Police Officers, Caregivers, are often there for strangers on our most horrible or trying days. The men and women who stand with folks in their community to help them through it all, are very much a blessing to humanity. Not everyone is wired to be able to have a heart, so giving and open, to hold a stranger’s hand even on a regular day with no stress.

Do some people hold more compassion inside then others? I think so. But what I find is that even those of us who aren’t comfortable with unfamiliar people will still offer comfort in times of duress, even if they too are stressed. Is this a characteristic built into our DNA, to care for others when it is most needed? Is it an innate knowing that we are all connected by the spark of God, that brings us all to life? I do not know. But I’d like to think so.

What I do know is that I am very thankful for the nurse who held my hand that day. She kindly offered me comfort and did her best to divert my attention from the surgery happening while we talked. I cannot help but use this scenario as an analogy of life.

It is on our hardest, most challenging days, that we need others help us get through.

Unfortunately, these days aren’t always as obvious as being strapped to an operating table. Sometimes there are strangers walking past us in the grocery store or working in the cubicle right next to you; that are having one of the worst days of their lives. Inner trauma is just as painful as physical trauma, just in a different way.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all live heart-centered lives so that others would feel safe in asking; “Will you please hold my hand?” when they need it most?

Even if it is just for a short time, your compassion does make a difference. Kindness is a characteristic that we must practice to be good at. Seeing folks in our community as extended family, instead of strangers, is where we can start. Do unto others and such. Remember, even a kind stranger serving as a short distraction from pain (in any form) can make a huge difference in the world.

Thank you for reading my blog today.

May you find comfort and love all around you. May you have the chance to act as comfort and love to another.

Wishing you an abundance of blessings,

With love,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com