I consider myself a continuous student of life. I love to learn about the world around me, and even more mysterious, the world within myself. Self-growth has been an important catalyst to get where I am today. Having the guts to look in the mirror and call myself out on my BS, has been life-changing for me, in the very best of ways. However, I know that I will never really be done learning about the world or myself.
There are habits I have that are clear as the noon sun glaring in my eyes. I figured I better pay attention to these signs. Often when I am feeling uncomfortable about a situation, this is when I know it is time to do some growing. Lately, I have been focused on changing some very ingrained habits. If you have ever tried to do so, you know how hard it can seem.
This got me thinking, are these habits just self-sabotage in disguise? Because I love to learn, and Google knows everything, I did some research and found a great article on Psychologytoday.com that laid it all out in black and white. According to Ellen Hendriksen Ph.D. article, “Why do we self-sabotage?” There are several reasons! (I will share the link with you in references) In short, this is what I learned.
- Self-worth – Not feeling worthy of success, or confident enough to try.
- Control – We are controlling our failure. In our minds, a controlled dumpster fire is a better option than publicly failing, so we sabotage.
- Perceived fraudulence – Not acknowledging our growth and view others to think of us a fraud or fake. We may reach our goals while secretly worrying about the judgment of others.
- Scapegoating – The blame game. Saying, because of one mistake, you chose to scrap the whole thing.
- Familiarity – If we are used to being overlooked, put down, underestimated and even dismissed, the feeling of attention is uncomfortable and success or accolades feel weird!
- Boredom – Stirring up drama and conflict, to use our power in some way to cause disturbance for a distraction.
She even states that; “the root of all self-sabotage is the fear of failure!” What a coincidence! I just wrote a blog about free falling through fear (https://emyminzel.com/2019/04/05/free-falling-through-fear/)
I was so caught up with the fear of the unknown, that I recognized it was stunting my growth where I was working to improve. These habits I wish to quit, are my very own weapons of self-sabotage! Indeed, I was on to something here!
I finally see that I am a great warrior. All the unhealthy habits I cling too, are just the same ones that keep me stuck. Ellen’s article states these behaviors spring from a subconscious fear that, trying my best, won’t be enough. Whoa… busted.
I find it comforting and magically synchronistic that I happened to see this article at this exact moment. While I am acutely aware of the persistent pestering of demanding negative habits, that keep racking my brain, I am working on letting go of these habits, though I seem to want to keep them as badly as I want to let go.
Doing my daily exercise of Kundalini Yoga Nabhi Kriya, I got an idea for a mantra that I plan to use when feeling the tug of these old habits. It wrote it down on a note card and taped this mantra in a spot I see often. I may even put it in the bathroom with the others. It says.
“I keep the promises that I make to myself. Because I am worthy of the life, I desire.”
It’s nice to recognize why we do the things we do, especially when they are harmful so that we can move past them. When I find out more information about myself or my tendencies, I use this knowledge to make the changes I wish to see. This lesson has come in the right way at the right time, and I am thankful for hearing it.
Stacy and I have dreams and goals that are big and wonderful! Honestly, deep down that does scare me a little bit! The Universe is asking us to level up again, and as wonderful that is, I do worry that I am not good enough. I know I am not the only person who worries about their abilities. I also believe the only way we can find out how able we are, is to do it anyway, even though we are scared. I am willing to do all I can to get to the root of any self-sabotage and defeat my fear of failure.
I trust the Universe to send these Adventure Sisters, lessons through joy, because I know that’s what we truly desire! We both simultaneously practice various personal and spiritual growth rituals. We are both doing our best to nurture better habits for our wellbeing. I tell you what. Making change is hard!
Sometimes, we fail and fall hard flat on our faces. But we encourage each other to get back up. We remind each other how worthy and able we are of achieving our goals if we do not quit. I wanted to encourage you to keep with the promises you make to yourself today. And remind you that you are worthy of all you desire too!
I love you.
Love and blessings,
Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister
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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister
*Photo taken on the Babtism River, Tettegouche State Park, Minnesota