Should have, could have, would have…

Most people have times in which they think; “If I could do that over again, I would have done things differently.” However, this is only true because… you only know what you would do differently, after you’ve already done it! It was a learning experience.

I believe most of us do the best we can in the time and space we are given. If we were to attempt to repeat the same situation, of course we would do it differently, because we already had the experience of the first go around.

To beat ourselves up with should have/could have/would haves, is just plain self-abuse. You probably tell your friends in similar situations; “Hey! It’s okay. You did the best you could!” So why not yourself?!

We tend to be much harsher on ourselves when it comes to judgements.

Hindsight is 20/20 because of experience. When you know better, you do better, or hopefully try to anyway. As I age, I am trying to be a better friend to myself. Nobody is harder on me, than me. I bet many of you reading this are the same.

If I can think about, dwell on it or stew in it, you know I will. For days, hours, months even years if I think I should have done better, no matter what it is. The thing is, these feelings do have a purpose. We are supposed to learn from them!

So try to give yourself a break for doing the best you could in the time and space you were in. This is life, you live and learn.

I like to beat myself up about working so much through my daughter’s childhood. I tell myself “I should have/could have/would have done better if I had only known what I know now.”

I call BS on this train of thought.

First; she was my first child and is my only child. The only way I could have done better is to have had experience, which I did not. I love her more than myself or anyone on the planet, yet that does not replace the failings all parents go through at some point and time.

Second; I was single mother with a mortgage to pay and a child to feed. During those years (I missed out on) I was in no position to stay home with her as much as I would have liked too. Honestly, I was a very young mother who was not nearly as ‘woke’ or evolved as a more mature mother may be. So, to say I could have done better, most likely would not be true.

What I have learned from this experience is to enjoy every single second of the time I get to spend with her now. I try to make our moments together full of quality, since we do not have quantity. We are learning more about each other as we grow and age together. I am very much enjoying the woman my daughter has become, even if she grew up with a working mom.

My point is, what we do and experience in our lives, happens as it should. I believe our life experiences are divinely guided to teach us what we need to learn. The only way we can mess that up is to not learn from those experiences.

So, to those of us who like to get down on ourselves about things we could have, should have, and would have done differently, give yourself a break. Know that you most likely did the best you could in the time and space you were given.

I hope this blog has helped you in some way or given you a different perspective on self-doubt. You are doing your best and I believe in you!

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings!

 

With love,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Why I count my blessings

I am grateful for the abundance of blessings in my life. I am thankful for the relationships I cultivated over time and the new ones just seeds of beginnings. When I think about these people I have surrounded myself with I realize how blessed I am to have them in my life. I am grateful for the choices I have made to get me where I am today. Life has not been thorn free roses, but I have been rewarded with millions of dollars’ worth of love throughout my life and I believe that helped me shape you I am.

The life I have lived has led me to gain experiences unique to me, every soul I met had a role in my existence. Even the dogs I have fostered, rescued, transported, or unfortunately failed… positive and negative have had a significant influence on the character I hold today. Same can be said about all my relationships some have grown while some have failed to thrive, I know it takes two to have relationships, so I take some responsibility in those friendships I have lost now I work to cherish the ones I have.

Being grateful seems to increase the abundance of blessings that come my way. Or maybe it just makes them clearer for me to see and accept as truth? When you go around complaining about everyone and everything naturally you look for more things to complain about. The same is true when counting your blessings. When you go about your days being grateful for everything and everyone in your life, the more you will see things to add to your list of abundant every day miracles.

As the world turns around us, we have duality of good/bad, light/dark, happy/sad etc… so that we have contrast to compare our experiences. We would not know the deep sense of loss without great love, we wouldn’t appreciate the sun if it never rained. This is how life cycles us through the phases we grow through as we age; all of our experiences shape our perceptions of what to be thankful for. We appreciate what we have when we learn from what we’ve lost. Sometimes we see the beauty in life because we’ve seen ugly parts too.

I am grateful for my family, friends and others that love me and support me.

I am grateful for love expressed in little ways that say ‘I love you’ with no words.

I am grateful for the support I feel that allows me to brave and adventurous.

I am grateful for the inclination inside that nurtures my endless quest for knowledge.

I am grateful to have the opportunity to express myself through the creativity I have been blessed with.

I am grateful for being able to love myself in a way that I feel it to be true in my mind, body and spirit.

I am grateful for all these things because I have had experiences that have been the opposite. Remember this today as you go through your daily routine, the things you complain about maybe affecting the things that you appreciate because that is where you are putting your energy. I propose we put a little more effort into appreciating what we love today! And the next days too. 😉

What are you thankful for? Do you write down or even acknowledge blessings every day? I try to be thankful for at least five things a day, which is easy, so then I start looking for more! Contemplate this; Does thinking of your complaints make you happy? Does counting your blessings make you mad?

What mood/energy would you rather carry around in your body, mind and spirit to share with the world today?

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

 

 

Why I love adventure!

As you know, I love adventure! Recently I thought to myself, “why do I love adventure so much?” not everyone likes adventures. Lots of people love the peace and contentment they find in their homes and prefer to relax as much as possible. I am just not one of these people, don’t get me wrong, I like to relax at home too, I just prefer more excitement then rest some days. I am not one to sit too long, although I can and will hold the couch down all day on a Sunday if the weekend as been a bit hectic.

I believe I need adventures in my life because it’s a physical and mentally creative outlet. I need a place to put all my extra energy or it just spins round and round in my melon working up a typhoon of anxiety. I find when I  give myself an outlet for all this energy by adventuring into the unknown, it provides stimulation that feeds my desire for thrill seeking in a healthy way that brings my mind/body/spirit back to balance.

Adventure;an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity.

Danger is part of the game, its not an adventure unless you get a little thrill or think “oh crap” a few times. It’s the unknown of what is a head is part of the appeal, I like the saying;

“The only difference between fear and excitement is your attitude about it.”

I love the excitement and adrenalin that keeps me coming back for more. The unknown of what is a head is part of the exhilaration that comes with doing things I’ve never done before. Doing new things and going new places is a good way to sneak adventure in your life. Even going to a new city, attending events or meeting a group of new people can feel exciting because you aren’t sure of the outcome.

I have learned to not be attached to the outcome of what I think my experiences should look like. Yes I would love everything to go smoothly and without problems. Yet I have seen that it is the times when I face adversity and rise up to overcome it that brings me satisfaction. I love the feeling of exhilaration provided by those accomplishments.

It FEELS so good to overcome my fears! This feeling is addictive for me. Adrenalin junkies unite! I get it. I  see why people seek adventure, it makes me feel brave, it builds my self-esteem, and it has taught me how to overcome my fears.

Then do you know what happens after that?! Giant fat feelings of thankfulness and grace I feel to be alive! To have made it through my fear to the other side and rewarded with pride, greater belief in myself and abilities, and the feeling of being blessed to still be alive brings perspective to the rest of my life. It’s not like I play chicken with trains or skydive off of sky scrapers, I don’t purposely put myself in the path of danger, but I do challenge myself to do things that scare me.

Even if it doesn’t happen in the great outdoors, I like to ask myself to level-up. Step up my game, and put my rebellious spirit to work in a good way by challenging myself and not others. When I work on myself, I don’t focus on what everyone else is doing. I don’t get wrapped up in the drama of others because I know I have no control of what is happening around me anyway but I can choose to control myself and my actions and how I choose to proceed in life situations.

Adventure has asked me to take responsibility for my role in what happens in life. How I act or re-act has an impact on what happens next. Adventuring has taught me so much about myself and repeatedly asked me to level up and each time I have, it seems to have long term life lessons I take with me in the future. Most of them exhilarating and good in many ways, the others make for great stories.

There are more reasons why I love adventure but overcoming my fears and challenging myself to level up are the ones that really keep me going back for more. Being thankful to be alive and able to experience the beauty the world holds is a blessing I don’t want to take for granted. The more I do, the braver I feel seek more adventure that makes me feel so alive!

What do you love about adventure?! I would like to hear from you!

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.”

-T.S Eliot

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

6 Lessons from my husband ~

Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars is an especially fitting statement when it comes to my husband Jason and I. We are opposite in most of our characteristics from our height difference to our perspectives on life, we are just plain different. They say opposites attract because they find their differences fascinating if they can get past them and except each other for who they are on the inside. Because you love that person you should be able respect their right to their own opinion even if it is the opposite of yours. The love we share is an anchor that lets us see other view points by being able to listen with respect.

That does not mean there is no debating! We often contest each other’s opinions if we strongly disagree with the topic. There are also times we must agree to disagree. However, there are times while pondering his different ideals that they change some of mine. Often it is the way that he does something, that wears off on me when I see the results of his actions. Just because we do things differently doesn’t mean they are wrong, yet after years of practice, I cannot argue with the results. Being as different as we are, there are outlooks and actions that have been rerouted in my life because of my husband’s example. I am very thankful for his examples of;

Forward Thinking: Patience was not ever my strong suit, I have a low tolerance for waiting for what I want. Sometimes I would even give up on goals because I was not seeing results fast enough. I have learned from my husband’s example of sticking with your goals, that patience and persistence do in fact pay off. Even on the days you’d like to punch yourself in the face or shoot yourself in the foot instead of persisting, you must persist. This leads right into the next lesson from my husband which is dedication.

Dedication: Not only to the people you love and the career you wish to excel at but also to what is important to you. Nobody can tell you what it is that you want to dedicate your time and effort too, but it is up to you to act on the goals that tug on your heart. It is also okay to have something for only yourself that you dedicate your time and effort to, it does not have to involve other people. If collecting stamps make you happy, do it with your whole heart, no explanations or apologies needed.

Be Generous: My husband is generous with his financial support and gifts, and also with his time and effort. Time and effort are often times more valuable than other generous contributions. I now see that the quality gift of time and effort can be much more valuable than money. When my husband he goes beyond his comfort zone to build me a bench or table with up cycled items, when he changes oil, or snow blows the driveway and in so many other ways he is there for me, I feel very loved. His generosity extends to his friends and family, he is willing to help others who needs his set of skills, he’s also a great IT guy.

Its Okay to say NO: There is not too much explanation needed for this one. Yet it took me a while to learn from his example. Help someone if you want too. If you don’t want too, or you have other reasons, it is okay to say no and leave it at that. No is a perfectly acceptable answer to something you do not feel right about.

Stand up for yourself: If you are feeling taken advantage of, bullied, manipulated or any other uncomfortable situation stand up for yourself. It matters to your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect to have firm boundaries of how you allow others to treat you.

Research stuff: He reminds me that you’re smarter than you think you are all it takes is a little extra effort. In this age of instant information available at your fingertips, its your own fault if you don’t use it. If you are looking to purchase anything, read the reviews first, it saves time and heart ache. If you want to vacation, change careers, be informed about politics or the environment, or want to know anything, research it to your best ability, look for the good and the bad so you are prepared for both.

As residence of Mars and Venus, Jason and I value different actions and abilities. Now that I’ve had plenty of time to observe the differences, I can incorporate the things that I find value in. I am very thankful for these qualities he’s helped me to improve in myself, it helps me to want to inspire him in positive ways as well. I am thankful for my husband and his life lessons that help us grow together and keep improving ourselves for the future.

What have you learned from you’re loved ones that’s changed you for the better? I’d love to hear from you!

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

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@adventuresistersbwca

Please help us by signing this petition to Save The Boundary Waters Canoe Area of MN.

https://www.savetheboundarywaters.org/tell-department-interior-and-bureau-land-management-protect-boundary-waters

How do we honor our inner child?

I am continuing the conversation of honoring different aspect of our personalities that we may not like to acknowledge. The inner child is one part of my personally that intrigues me, maybe because mine seems to be asking a lot of me lately. It demands I spend time doing things that I love, not just the things that the adult part of me thinks need to be done. Like work, laundry, dishes, and other insanely boring chores of life that seem to steal my precious time, keeping me preoccupied with monotony. In short, lately I have found being an ‘adult” alllll the time is horrifically boring!!! This is when I feel the tug of my inner child the most. She seems to say day after day, “Girl, there’s gotta be more to life then this! Let’s go find it!”

“Heck yes. Let’s do this!” I, answer back to that little girl who just wants to have fun.

Then my adult voices says; “Mmmmhmmm sure, right after you vacuum.”

Gah!!!! Round and round we go, match for match, day after day. Until somethings gotta give. It’s odd to talk about playing as an adult, is it not? The adventures I have experienced with my soul sister Stacy in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area have let me feel free enough to remember how to play again. Is it only me? Or do you have days when wearing this adult version of my meat suit/body feels just plain weird?

My body gets older, my hair is graying, and there are life lines around my eyes. Yet there are times I feel so honestly inquisitive, full of love and trusting of life that I can feel the innocence of my childlike soul still shining inside. It makes me feel like playing outside, letting my hair down, and getting creative. At times I yearn to belly laugh until it’s hard to breathe and my face hurts.  Surely this is not too much to ask for?! As Stacy likes to tell me “I make the rules for MY life!”

I like the way you think sister friend. So, this is the new rule. I choose to listen to the little voice calling, I will call her my ‘inner child’ because it seems fitting. I will honor her needs because she is part of me, the best part if you really think about it. The innocence you once had as a child is still in you, it is where your hope lives. You cannot deny the importance of hope!  This is the part of us that if nurtured, will ensure we make the world a kinder place. There is no fear or violence in hope or innocent children, this part still lives in you and we can choose to nurture it.

I do this by adding play and whimsy to my life, in simple ways. I love to write, it feels like creating art and allows me to express myself. When I am with friends and family we like to play board games or interactive games at gatherings, bowling or hiking. It brings us all together to ‘play’ and build relationships with occasional team building skills mixed in. If I am by myself I might embrace the feminine part of my inner child and get girly. I will give myself a pedicure, or a facial, put on a hydrating mask and fully embrace the beauty rituals I use that make me feel good.

When in the Boundary Waters Stacy and I take blow up inner tubes put them around our waist or sit in them and float in the sun giggling and chattering away like best girlfriends do at any age. We would go ‘exploring’ in the forest on trails, hop in the canoe to find what we haven’t seen before just for the sake of pleasing our curious inner child. We often find the beauty in the simple things the Universe offers noticing the wonder of how moss can look like a teeny tiny forest all its own.

I might choose to go outside and play in the garden, well not today, its January in Minnesota. I can plan; scratch that… ‘plan’ sounds too much like work… In the winter I love to take the opportunity to dream and create a beautiful new garden lay out. I love to use color pencils and draw where the plants might go so I can visualize it. I love how each year is different and gives me the ability to get whimsical by using my artistic creativity in a fun playful way.

If I change the way I think about things, the things I think about change. I find how I feel about things is all in the attitude I bring to them. I don’t just have a garden that I must weed. I choose to see and enjoy my garden as a continuous work of art, the effort I put into it or not shows. Isn’t that true of all relationships? Even the relationships we have with ourselves?

If we choose to not nurture any part of ourselves, or relationships we cannot fully enjoy life’s offerings or its many infinite destinies. Why would fun show up for us if we are not able to embrace the richness it brings to our lives? Why deny any parts of yourself by not recognize the vulnerable part of you that needs to be heard, seen or validated in any aspect of your personality?

Aren’t the neediest parts of you the loudest and hardest to ignore anyways? Just possibly could these be the parts of ourselves that cause us to act out as not our best-self, causing unnecessary drama when you ignore it for too long? What if we tried to sooth that inner child, fulfill its needs, so we can move on from these triggers?

What’s the worst that could happen if you looked these tendencies right in the eye and asked. “What do you REALLY mean by that feeling? What do you really need?”

What if you had the courage to wait and listen to the answer? Oh boy! How exciting it could be to find out what it is you truly want and need! After all, you’re an adult now and you get to make the rules for your life. As an adult give yourself permission to admit when we just need a hug, admit when you need to feel validated and heard. It is okay to speak up when we aren’t feeling loved in a way that you can comprehend, or even if you need some attention. Your inner child is part of you, to deny it is to deny yourself.

What does your inner child ask from you? Is it to come out and play or is it demanding more? The inner child in you has plenty of hope and courage for today and the future. I can hear them calling, I know you can too. I’d love to hear your thoughts on inner child work. Feel free to comment below!

Wishing you and abundance of Love, Laughter, and Blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

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OH! The drama!

Why do I seem to be so drawn to drama when it is the one of the things I say I do not want? I seem to always be seeking peace, yet I find my personality is sometimes rather dramatic about events happening in the world or around me. I recently came down with a cold and I lost my smell, it frightened me but how I reacted was kind of funny now that I am well, and the fog of my sickness has cleared.  You would think that the world was collapsing around me and all I was able to think about was that I couldn’t smell it or my coffee! The drama I tell you! (Insert fainting gesture here.)

For real, I SAY I don’t like drama, but when life is going well, and I have nothing to complain about I seem to make things up to add a little excitement into life. Have you ever notice yourself doing that? It’s kind of hilarious. I over think like it is an Olympic sport. If I could get ‘steps’ for the laps I run around up in my head I would exceed my goal every day. Isn’t it great that we can notice these things about ourselves, so we can try to act in a different way next time the opportunity to over react comes around? Self- awareness is a liberating, eye opening and sometimes humbling experience if you can let it be. I am choosing to laugh at myself now that I can see my situation from a calmer perspective. I can also choose to see that I do in fact have a tendency to be just slightly dramatic….. sigh.

I just find how contradicting I can be as a person fascinating. I SAY it is my goal to be peaceful, content, kind, and full of love. Then I create controversy where there may not be a need to stir things up. I wonder what part of me needs this chaos to feel fulfilled? What is the purpose of choosing to fluff up the negative aspects of a day or situation instead of finding the blessings or good things instead?  Is it my inner child in need of attention? Is it my ego saying look at me? Is it need to feel soothed, and loved?

Of course; I don’t always over react, I try to be calm and easy going about most of the situations life offers. It is just funny to me that I see how I can, and do, get carried away sometimes. To be fair, I mean I temporarily lost one for the five senses… That’s kind of a big deal! However; I see I probably should have cooled my dramatic acting scene and let my cold pass before declaring anosmia. But what fun is that?

Scene End.

Have your ever caught yourself adding drama in your life? What do you think makes you do it? I’d love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

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