Most people have times in which they think; “If I could do that over again, I would have done things differently.” However, this is only true because… you only know what you would do differently, after you’ve already done it! It was a learning experience.
I believe most of us do the best we can in the time and space we are given. If we were to attempt to repeat the same situation, of course we would do it differently, because we already had the experience of the first go around.
To beat ourselves up with should have/could have/would haves, is just plain self-abuse. You probably tell your friends in similar situations; “Hey! It’s okay. You did the best you could!” So why not yourself?!
We tend to be much harsher on ourselves when it comes to judgements.
Hindsight is 20/20 because of experience. When you know better, you do better, or hopefully try to anyway. As I age, I am trying to be a better friend to myself. Nobody is harder on me, than me. I bet many of you reading this are the same.
If I can think about, dwell on it or stew in it, you know I will. For days, hours, months even years if I think I should have done better, no matter what it is. The thing is, these feelings do have a purpose. We are supposed to learn from them!
So try to give yourself a break for doing the best you could in the time and space you were in. This is life, you live and learn.
I like to beat myself up about working so much through my daughter’s childhood. I tell myself “I should have/could have/would have done better if I had only known what I know now.”
I call BS on this train of thought.
First; she was my first child and is my only child. The only way I could have done better is to have had experience, which I did not. I love her more than myself or anyone on the planet, yet that does not replace the failings all parents go through at some point and time.
Second; I was single mother with a mortgage to pay and a child to feed. During those years (I missed out on) I was in no position to stay home with her as much as I would have liked too. Honestly, I was a very young mother who was not nearly as ‘woke’ or evolved as a more mature mother may be. So, to say I could have done better, most likely would not be true.
What I have learned from this experience is to enjoy every single second of the time I get to spend with her now. I try to make our moments together full of quality, since we do not have quantity. We are learning more about each other as we grow and age together. I am very much enjoying the woman my daughter has become, even if she grew up with a working mom.
My point is, what we do and experience in our lives, happens as it should. I believe our life experiences are divinely guided to teach us what we need to learn. The only way we can mess that up is to not learn from those experiences.
So, to those of us who like to get down on ourselves about things we could have, should have, and would have done differently, give yourself a break. Know that you most likely did the best you could in the time and space you were given.
I hope this blog has helped you in some way or given you a different perspective on self-doubt. You are doing your best and I believe in you!
Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings!
Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister
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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister