Tag: #forgiveness

Should have, could have, would have…

emyminzel

Most people have times in which they think; “If I could do that over again, I would have done things differently.” However, this is only true because… you only know what you would do differently, after you’ve already done it! It was a learning experience.

I believe most of us do the best we can in the time and space we are given. If we were to attempt to repeat the same situation, of course we would do it differently, because we already had the experience of the first go around.

To beat ourselves up with should have/could have/would haves, is just plain self-abuse. You probably tell your friends in similar situations; “Hey! It’s okay. You did the best you could!” So why not yourself?!

We tend to be much harsher on ourselves when it comes to judgements.

Hindsight is 20/20 because of experience. When you know better, you do better, or hopefully try to anyway. As I age, I am trying to be a better friend to myself. Nobody is harder on me, than me. I bet many of you reading this are the same.

If I can think about, dwell on it or stew in it, you know I will. For days, hours, months even years if I think I should have done better, no matter what it is. The thing is, these feelings do have a purpose. We are supposed to learn from them!

So try to give yourself a break for doing the best you could in the time and space you were in. This is life, you live and learn.

I like to beat myself up about working so much through my daughter’s childhood. I tell myself “I should have/could have/would have done better if I had only known what I know now.”

I call BS on this train of thought.

First; she was my first child and is my only child. The only way I could have done better is to have had experience, which I did not. I love her more than myself or anyone on the planet, yet that does not replace the failings all parents go through at some point and time.

Second; I was single mother with a mortgage to pay and a child to feed. During those years (I missed out on) I was in no position to stay home with her as much as I would have liked too. Honestly, I was a very young mother who was not nearly as ‘woke’ or evolved as a more mature mother may be. So, to say I could have done better, most likely would not be true.

What I have learned from this experience is to enjoy every single second of the time I get to spend with her now. I try to make our moments together full of quality, since we do not have quantity. We are learning more about each other as we grow and age together. I am very much enjoying the woman my daughter has become, even if she grew up with a working mom.

My point is, what we do and experience in our lives, happens as it should. I believe our life experiences are divinely guided to teach us what we need to learn. The only way we can mess that up is to not learn from those experiences.

So, to those of us who like to get down on ourselves about things we could have, should have, and would have done differently, give yourself a break. Know that you most likely did the best you could in the time and space you were given.

I hope this blog has helped you in some way or given you a different perspective on self-doubt. You are doing your best and I believe in you!

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings!

 

With love,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Turn and face the strange changes –

emyminzel

Adventure Sister Stacy has a series of self-help blogs she is writing that suggest ways to deal with the stress of change. I find that she has great advice, and the suggestions she offers are valid. However, maybe it is just me, but even with all the assistance and techniques offered, I still find change stressful. To go from one way of life to another even when it is self-inflicted causes stress of all kinds.

The stress of change affects my attitude, my time, my sleep, my family life, and my social life because I am being changed! Therefore, how I deal with this change is going to be altered depending on my experience. For the most part I think that I am doing my best to take charge of the direction and change happening right now. Then there is the fact as Stacy also mentions that we do not have control of anything except ourselves when life redirects us.

Yet, we all know that people are not their best selves while under intense stress. This is a fact I hope we can all agree on. I do my best to be kind, keep a positive attitude and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I keep faith that this change is being guided by spirit to bring me the life I have been asking for all along. Most days I find new experiences exciting and invigorating, but on those rare days that stress gets me good, I find myself well… not being my best self.

I am not proud of myself when I snap at someone out of stress or even to set boundaries that have been pushed too far. I know that there is a better way to communicate my feelings and emotions, yet as I am just a regular person like everyone else. Shit happens. I can only be poked with a sharp stick for so long and by a very few people. When someone else tries to add their extra push or poke in the wrong time I will reflexively bite back. I have my limits.

Now, I have worked long and hard on myself over many years. I do my best to practice kindness, generosity and patience to all the people in my life. So, when I act in a way that surprises others and even myself, I am going to take that as a sign that my boundaries have been pushed too far. I have reached my tolerance of any more pushing, no matter how well-intentioned the pushes may be.

To say take a deep breath in the .02 seconds it took to push me over the edge is just not realistic. I believe I must listen to my instincts or reflexes and ask myself what was it that made me snap like that? Or why am I feeling overwhelmed at this moment?

When I ask myself these questions instead of accepting my feelings as fact, it gives me an opportunity to redirect my attitude. Stacy did give the advice to acknowledge your feelings. I believe these feelings help direct me, even if they aren’t shiny happy feelings, they are guiding me to listen to what is under the surface.

They say we are given free will. We choose our actions, our decisions, and our personalities by the way we have experienced life in the past. I know that if I choose to act in a way that I am not proud of because of stress and change, well… its up to me to change it moving forward. I can practice all the self-soothing techniques Stacy had to offer at www.stacycrep.com. I can also acknowledge my reaction may have been an automatic response of protecting my boundaries.

When you start a new path, you get new people on that path with you. Sometimes people will unintentionally push your limits too far and it is up to us to let others know where those boundaries are. I work for myself for a reason, I am not used to people telling me what to do or the metaphorical feeling of someone walking behind me with a sharp stick.

If you poke this bear one to many times, I will growl at you and not so subtly. What I do not like about my reaction to stress is that I may accidentally hurt others with my sharp tongue; which happens to be my weapon of choice when protecting my boundaries. I like to do things at my own pace so when the path I am on changes and forces me to do more then I think I am able, this will stress me out.

I know I am not alone here. All the deep breathing, meditating, and visualizing a good outcome will not stop me from being human. I would like to meet the person who is always calm, always relaxed as life shoves them white water rafting down the river of life. It gets rocky, scary and adrenalin is jacked up so high your mind goes to automatic survivor mode and not one bit of your calm is available for you to access at those exact moments of stress.

Maybe this is just me?

Maybe I am just resistant to change even though I want it so badly? There are things in my life that I love just as they were and are. But those are also part of the journey of life and when I change, they change whether I like it or not.

What I find most useful adapting to this change is letting go. Letting go of what I think it all ‘should’ look like, letting go of ‘doing it all myself’ and learning to ask for help. What I find helpful is my friends and family who listen to me and hold space for me as I change.

The support of others is where I find the most comfort on this roller coaster ride we call life. Like my husband likes to quote, “Life is like an EKG reading; if it’s not going up and down, you’re dead.”

Acknowledging that life does have its ups and downs is how I have faith that tomorrow will be better. Having a hand to hold and friends who listen to my growing pains is comforting and keeps me on the path even when it is scary or stressful.

My advice when dealing with the stress of change is to reach out to those you love and your friends that have your back. Find comfort in your closest relationships and maintain them through the change. Reach out and ask for help and emotional support you need when you need it. Know that your life is not just yours. We are all connected, when you hurt, the people you love hurt with you, maybe even because of you.

Knowing to tend to what is really truly important to me in my life through the journey is where I find comfort. It is never usually about me. It is about connections I hold dear that keep me striving to be better, do better and to contribute to this world for the greater good. It is because I care so deeply about the world around me that I am willing to change my life, my normal, my direction.

Being with those I love, reminds me of my purpose. Knowing it is all divinely guided, helps me let go and enjoy the ride. Choosing to learn my lessons through joy, by looking on the bright side of things, is how I cope with stress and change. I try to stay positive, I try to be my best self. I choose to love myself even when my best-self, take’s a momentary leave of absence. I give myself a break, knowing I am doing the best I can in the time and space I am given.

I like to give the same courtesy to others who are stressed and going through change as well. Accepting people just as they are being one of the best lesson’s I’ve learned in life and the most useful. To practice it on myself, is a work in progress but I continue to try. After all, I do have high standards for myself and others around me. To be flexible and compassionate are the techniques that work best for me as well. Because I truly believe we are ALL doing the best we can on this roller coaster of life.

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Who Cares?!

emyminzel

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I seem to be seeing an abundance of anger in some people while the hopeful souls seem fewer in between. The more I pay attention to the world I realize that it strongly mirrors the energy of individuals we are surrounded by.  I am feeling bombarded with nay Sayers, no hope for the future kind of thinking and I wonder if this has a purpose for me?

I find that I try to act in ways that will prove my muggle pals wrong. I try to cheer them up by lifting their mood and hopefully swaying their thoughts on ‘how horrible the world is nowadays’ with words of encouragement; at the same time reminding me why I still wish to live in a way that gives me hope. I believe I can make a difference in the world for the better and I believe you can too.

I care about the effect my actions have on the collective of my family, community and our country. I think people are angry because they feel hopeless and helpless, they feel their actions do not matter, but they are wrong. Anger does have a large effect on the collective energy of the world around us. This reminds me of the old saying about Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody;

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody,

Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and

Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would

do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody

got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody

thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody

wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when

Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

I believe in manifesting, yet I don’t think we can manifest desires like protecting the environment or making the world safe with wishes and prayers alone. I believe we must take steps and action to make progress in receiving what we desire. If I want to be an author I have to write a book or my manifesting dream most like will not come true.

I have started in small ways that don’t seem like they would make a difference to some, but I know that even small efforts help the collective world around me. Imagine what could happen if we all tried a little?!

Here are six small things you can do that add up to make a big difference in the world;

Recycle EVERYTHING – I reduce, reuse, recycle and repurpose most everything I can, I got this habit from my mom and my grandmother, waste not want not! This applies to food, clothes, containers, cars, tv’s, phones, appliances, furniture, wood, you name it. When we recycle we lessen our demands for mining, drilling, clear cutting, over harvesting resources that harm the earth and poison our water. Recycling can change the way we consume for the better. When we recycle appliances like computers and smart phones we won’t have to ravage and poison the earth to continue making the endless new improved versions.

Vote with your dollar – This more important than we give it credit for, your voice is your dollar. We tell the powers that be what we want with the money we spend. It’s all about the money and where you spend yours. I buy organic, I support my local farmers for humanely raised meat sources and eggs, I also frequent farmers markets when I am able. I try to avoid large super stores who sell food covered with pesticides and use marketing trickery to get me to buy more then I need. I support small businesses as often as possible because I know from experience doing so supports the families in my community and not some CEO’s bonus.

Vote with your ballot – If you don’t like the current affairs of our country, take time out of your life to vote when election day comes. Not just in Presidential years but in mid-term voting years like 2018. Midterm voting is extremely important to endorse your beliefs through the candidates in your preferred political party. By making an educated vote and researching your candidates for midterm elections you essentially set up the support team of your favored Presidential party elections two years later.

Volunteer – Get involved in your community or affairs that interest you. I used to volunteer at the local food shelf but that didn’t seem to be the right fit for me. I still volunteer as often as possible with a local pet rescue in my community fostering dogs when I can give them the time and energy they need. I help my neighbors when the need assistance right next door, I help my friends and family when in need. Helping, volunteering, doing something that lifts the energy of the people around me helps the greater good. Doing good feels good.

Kindness –  I like the Golden Rule, I believe in treating other living beings as I would like to be treated. Right down to the spider that found himself in a strange land of my home, just wandering around on the wall and got lost, not doing any harm. I choose to escort him gently outside instead of squishing it dead for being in a foreign land and not knowing the language. If ever I find myself lost in a strange place, not knowing what to say, I would hope to find the same kindness. Wouldn’t you? Most people would.

Forgiveness – Sometimes it’s not forgiveness for the other other person that is important, usually it is important for you and your own peace of mind. Don’t let the few ‘bad apples’ ruin your perspective on the whole of humanity. Look around your life and count your blessings. There are so many people who brighten your day or even your life in so many ways that they must not be taken for granted. People make mistakes, we all do, lets work on forgiving ourselves and others so we can move forward in a supportive and loving way to create the healthy happy future we all want. Chose love over judgement.

I believe our everyday actions matter, they tell the Universe/God what you want more of in life. What do your actions say you want?

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

*Photo credit to Brainyqoute.com