Resistance to Change…

Is it, self-sabotage?

Change is scary even when it is planned. The unknown of what lies ahead, gives our imagination an opportunity to show us just how creative you can really be. When I am scared but excited, I tend to imagine a beneficial outcome. But when I am just plain scared, the imagined outcome tends to be not so great. I do think that the more energy I put into imagining a ‘good’ result, the more likely it is that I get one.

Do you know why? I do. It is because my thoughts direct my actions. When I am fearful, I tend to make reserved choices and keep myself small, while at the same time being ready to fight at any given moment. I am on edge with myself and the people I encounter in my life when I am fearful. I have realized this is not the energy I wish to share with the world.

Instead I have chosen to look at life as an adventure in which my attitude, my imagination and my state of mind really do manifest the outcome I desire. When I am scared, yet excited about the direction I am headed, I can decide to make the best of the day and choose to bring good energy to my experiences. I can decide with my everyday choices where I direct my energy and what kind of energy I am emitting.

I can choose to be kind and inquisitive when I encounter people or situations unfamiliar to me. I can choose to believe in the good in the world around me. I can choose to know that the path that lies ahead of me is exactly where I am supposed to be. I can choose to do my best through my everyday actions to make the day enjoyable or not…

So, even though I tend to be somewhat resistant to change, I know that nothing is permanent in our lives. We can get comfortable and stuck in our ruts that do not challenge us, which is a nice rest from constantly striving or doing. Yet, when you hear the call of your heart, those ruts can be hard to get out of. It takes a great deal of effort, persistence and determination to get going. Which is a lot of work; gosh darn it! Why can’t change just be easy?

I believe change can be easy when I accept it and let it be the divine guidance it was meant to be. But, no… that’s just not how I roll somedays. Somedays I get upset about the changes forced upon my daily life that may require more effort and energy then I really want to give at that particular time or day. I can be as stubborn as my beloved bulldog Gus about change and I know it. Especially if I had planned to do something and life has different ideas for me.

Stacy and I had been talking about our common goals, that we are trying to accomplish together, yet we do them in our own ways. Publishing our book series is one of our goals, but we also share our life goals together. When I am thinking of making a change to my diet, or my lifestyle, I call my friend Stacy and we talk about it like sisters do. We process outcomes together, we offer support and personal experiences that we think will help each other.

Recently I had told her of a personal goal that I was not sure I would be able to accomplish but I know in my heart would be for the best. She said “Okay! Let’s do this together so we can support each!” this showing of sisterly support made me feel like “Yes. We can do this!” Because we will have each other to talk to, when the test of life and time come around like it always does.

The very next day after this conversation we saw a statement that stated “Resistance to change, is really self-sabotage”

When I think about it, I think it is true. Can you imagine if we all still acted like we did in high school while well into your forties?! I know a few people like this. People who like how it was, people who have learned all they needed to learn (or knew it all at age 18) so they feel they are just fine, thanks. Some folks just choose not to grow or change! We must learn to accept that, but we do not have to do the same.

Although, in my experience, the people who refuse to grow get very uncomfortable watching you grow. And that’s okay. I have decided I will not dim my light because it is shining in their eyes. I have experienced more of what life has to offer by taking risks and allowing myself to grow and change. I would not change any of the challenges of change that life has asked of me. It has made me into who I am today.

You know what? I really like who I am! I love that I have been changed by adventure, challenges, heartbreak, motherhood, friendship, and even my career path that all got me here today. My journey has softened my edges, given me patience and wisdom to know that I always have something to learn. I have learned that my resistance to change is futile and just makes the journey harder on me then it has to be! I have learned that if I want something new in my life I must do and accomplish new things and apply new effort.

So, I agree, resistance to change can be self-sabotage that keeps me from learning the lessons I need to grow. I don’t have to change all at once, I can usually choose to change in my own way, at my own pace. What makes change easier for me is putting my creative imagination to good use by expecting and acting in ways that will foster a favorable outcome. I can choose to make the most of it or go kicking and screaming the whole way. But, purposely putting out good vibes into the direction I am going, seems to make it a more comfortable journey.

Shine your light and vibe on, my adventurous friends! You CAN do this, and you GOT this! I believe in you.

Adventure awaits! Don’t be scared, be excited!

 

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

EmyforHouse.com

@emyminzel

@EmyforHouse15A

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

 

Photo credit by International Impact / Google Images

Turn and face the strange changes –

Adventure Sister Stacy has a series of self-help blogs she is writing that suggest ways to deal with the stress of change. I find that she has great advice, and the suggestions she offers are valid. However, maybe it is just me, but even with all the assistance and techniques offered, I still find change stressful. To go from one way of life to another even when it is self-inflicted causes stress of all kinds.

The stress of change affects my attitude, my time, my sleep, my family life, and my social life because I am being changed! Therefore, how I deal with this change is going to be altered depending on my experience. For the most part I think that I am doing my best to take charge of the direction and change happening right now. Then there is the fact as Stacy also mentions that we do not have control of anything except ourselves when life redirects us.

Yet, we all know that people are not their best selves while under intense stress. This is a fact I hope we can all agree on. I do my best to be kind, keep a positive attitude and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I keep faith that this change is being guided by spirit to bring me the life I have been asking for all along. Most days I find new experiences exciting and invigorating, but on those rare days that stress gets me good, I find myself well… not being my best self.

I am not proud of myself when I snap at someone out of stress or even to set boundaries that have been pushed too far. I know that there is a better way to communicate my feelings and emotions, yet as I am just a regular person like everyone else. Shit happens. I can only be poked with a sharp stick for so long and by a very few people. When someone else tries to add their extra push or poke in the wrong time I will reflexively bite back. I have my limits.

Now, I have worked long and hard on myself over many years. I do my best to practice kindness, generosity and patience to all the people in my life. So, when I act in a way that surprises others and even myself, I am going to take that as a sign that my boundaries have been pushed too far. I have reached my tolerance of any more pushing, no matter how well-intentioned the pushes may be.

To say take a deep breath in the .02 seconds it took to push me over the edge is just not realistic. I believe I must listen to my instincts or reflexes and ask myself what was it that made me snap like that? Or why am I feeling overwhelmed at this moment?

When I ask myself these questions instead of accepting my feelings as fact, it gives me an opportunity to redirect my attitude. Stacy did give the advice to acknowledge your feelings. I believe these feelings help direct me, even if they aren’t shiny happy feelings, they are guiding me to listen to what is under the surface.

They say we are given free will. We choose our actions, our decisions, and our personalities by the way we have experienced life in the past. I know that if I choose to act in a way that I am not proud of because of stress and change, well… its up to me to change it moving forward. I can practice all the self-soothing techniques Stacy had to offer at www.stacycrep.com. I can also acknowledge my reaction may have been an automatic response of protecting my boundaries.

When you start a new path, you get new people on that path with you. Sometimes people will unintentionally push your limits too far and it is up to us to let others know where those boundaries are. I work for myself for a reason, I am not used to people telling me what to do or the metaphorical feeling of someone walking behind me with a sharp stick.

If you poke this bear one to many times, I will growl at you and not so subtly. What I do not like about my reaction to stress is that I may accidentally hurt others with my sharp tongue; which happens to be my weapon of choice when protecting my boundaries. I like to do things at my own pace so when the path I am on changes and forces me to do more then I think I am able, this will stress me out.

I know I am not alone here. All the deep breathing, meditating, and visualizing a good outcome will not stop me from being human. I would like to meet the person who is always calm, always relaxed as life shoves them white water rafting down the river of life. It gets rocky, scary and adrenalin is jacked up so high your mind goes to automatic survivor mode and not one bit of your calm is available for you to access at those exact moments of stress.

Maybe this is just me?

Maybe I am just resistant to change even though I want it so badly? There are things in my life that I love just as they were and are. But those are also part of the journey of life and when I change, they change whether I like it or not.

What I find most useful adapting to this change is letting go. Letting go of what I think it all ‘should’ look like, letting go of ‘doing it all myself’ and learning to ask for help. What I find helpful is my friends and family who listen to me and hold space for me as I change.

The support of others is where I find the most comfort on this roller coaster ride we call life. Like my husband likes to quote, “Life is like an EKG reading; if it’s not going up and down, you’re dead.”

Acknowledging that life does have its ups and downs is how I have faith that tomorrow will be better. Having a hand to hold and friends who listen to my growing pains is comforting and keeps me on the path even when it is scary or stressful.

My advice when dealing with the stress of change is to reach out to those you love and your friends that have your back. Find comfort in your closest relationships and maintain them through the change. Reach out and ask for help and emotional support you need when you need it. Know that your life is not just yours. We are all connected, when you hurt, the people you love hurt with you, maybe even because of you.

Knowing to tend to what is really truly important to me in my life through the journey is where I find comfort. It is never usually about me. It is about connections I hold dear that keep me striving to be better, do better and to contribute to this world for the greater good. It is because I care so deeply about the world around me that I am willing to change my life, my normal, my direction.

Being with those I love, reminds me of my purpose. Knowing it is all divinely guided, helps me let go and enjoy the ride. Choosing to learn my lessons through joy, by looking on the bright side of things, is how I cope with stress and change. I try to stay positive, I try to be my best self. I choose to love myself even when my best-self, take’s a momentary leave of absence. I give myself a break, knowing I am doing the best I can in the time and space I am given.

I like to give the same courtesy to others who are stressed and going through change as well. Accepting people just as they are being one of the best lesson’s I’ve learned in life and the most useful. To practice it on myself, is a work in progress but I continue to try. After all, I do have high standards for myself and others around me. To be flexible and compassionate are the techniques that work best for me as well. Because I truly believe we are ALL doing the best we can on this roller coaster of life.

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Are you a Do’er?

It seems to me there are two kinds of people; people who talk about what they want and people who do what they want. At different times in my life I have been both. I have even been the worst kind of person (in my opinion) which is a complainer. I complained about everything but took no action to change it. I myself, hate to hear complaining it is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. When I realized how I was acting I decided to acknowledge my own bull and decided to change my ways.

Instead of complaining I focused on the blessings. If I was fighting with my family I chose to accept that I am still blessed with great clients and my dogs still loved me. While feeling despair about the environmental protections being dismantled I decided to stand up and say my peace. When that didn’t change anything, I decided to try to put myself in a position that may help me effect change I wish to see in the world.

Complaining never got me anywhere, it only alienated people who liked my happy personality but now were stuck listening to me protest and criticize others. If they offered ways to change, I disregarded it, as if it would not possibly work because I wasn’t willing to try. When we complain and don’t do anything to fix it or help what we are complaining about it only makes the situation seem worse. In turn the person who was complaining seems like a downer who just doesn’t want to do the work it takes to change.

Until I decided to DO something about what I was complaining about, I was just a whiner. Plain and simple. They say there are three things you can do about something you don’t like;

1.Accept it. (Out of the question)

2.Leave it. (Nope, I like it here)

3.Change it. (Sounds like work… but here I am.)

I am not afraid of a little hard work, my mother raised me with hardcore work ethic. I show up, dig in, get my hands dirty or work long hours doing what needs to be done. I was willing to do hard work for my career but somehow had fell short working at defending my beliefs. Until my beliefs (clean water/air/soil/food/equal rights etc…) were being mutilated, crapped on, and poisoned, I realized I had to listen to the calling of my soul.

I was not happy and complaining so much because I knew I wasn’t doing anything at all to stand up for what I believe is right. Well…besides venting on Facebook which solves absolutely nothing. I was feeling depressed, sleeping too much, not exercising and eating poorly because I felt helpless. Until I asked myself to accept it, leave it or change it, I was stuck. These three choices are darn brilliant. I recommend you asking yourself to follow the same instruction in situations you are complaining about, it is life changing.

You know what I found out? I am not helpless, my voice matters, my opinion counts, I do have an affect on the outcome of my small corner of the world. Because my actions matter! What you do, has so much more power in manifesting your future then what you say you want in your future. I can say I want clean water, and safe environment, but if I am complaining to all the wrong people and pointing fingers instead of working to make fixes and changes, it all stays the same.

My point is all the people you look up to, all the people you admire for doing something great…. They are all just regular people who decided to do what they say. I’ve come to realize it’s not because they are any different than me, it is only because they do. No matter how long it takes or how much work it is. Doing is where the magic happens. You will not become a millionaire watching television or surfing the internet, these things only steal hours of your life that you could use to make your goals happen.

Come on kids! Let’s go DO something! Let’s be the change we wish to see in the world.

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

Follow the Adventure Sisters on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com