Category: Innerwork

#lifelessons, Innerwork

What is your best advice?

emyminzel

I am curious. What is the most helpful advice you’ve found that has made a difference in how you live?

There are lots of different people with their own opinions and differences in what they know. Some of it isn’t even advice, but more like sharing essential lessons they have learned over the years. I think it is a gift to learn from our elders or folks we look up to when they share their experiences. It would be a shame to let the wisdom go to waste!

It was not all ‘advice’ per se, but there were valuable lessons shared with me that I am learning to appreciate. I can think of a few things I’ve heard that ring true I’d like to share with you.

When my Auntie Max told me, “You will be lucky if you have five true friends in your life. When you find them, cherish them and don’t let them go.” I have learned this is true. I do my best to follow this advice. I’ve learned that not all friends are the same and to treasure the ones that love me as I love them. I’ve found the keepers adore you in all stages of life, not just the easy ones.

My grandmother Ema Dee whom everyone said had “the patience of a Saint” once told me. “I am not as patient as you think. I have just learned to keep my mouth shut.” What?! At first, it made me laugh, and I really did not understand what she meant. As I age, I see what she means. Sometimes keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself, takes greater wisdom than speaking up and may have a much different effect than we expect.

“You get to make the rules for your life!” Stacy Crep, Adventure Sister. It sounds impossible some days, yet the words are valid. When I realized I have much more say in my life than once acknowledged or allowed, my life changed for the better. And it was all my doing! From taking the initiative and following through on my goals and dreams, to nurturing relationships that needed love and attention, to career goals and ambitions. It was all up to me and how I followed and adjusted the rules I had for myself.

My Auntie Di gave me some excellent parenting advice when I was a young mother. She said, “I only say no if there is a good reason. Kids need the freedom to live their lives and make their own mistakes.’” I thought this was a fantastic way to think. I used this philosophy with my daughter and even now in my own life. I like to say Yes to invitations, events, and experiences whenever possible. This attitude opens doors of opportunity and helps me get more out of life! If we fail or get hurt, those were valuable lessons too.

Yet with all the splendid advice, I have gotten over the years, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to listen to my own intuition. Even my closest friends and well-intentioned family’s best advice is not good if it does not feel right to me.

So, my best advice to you. Trust yourself. Follow the inklings that pull your heart and do what feels right for you even if it’s going against what others think is best. Only you know the real soul inside and what you truly need to be happy. I’ve learned it’s best to grow trust in yourself and be brave enough to listen to your own inner divinely guided wisdom.

Please feel free to share YOUR best advice in the comments below.

I hope that we can share the wisdom we’ve learned with others in hopes of helping someone else on their life path!

Sending love and blessings to you,

Emy Minzel

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

#lifelessons, #signs, Innerwork

Trusting the changes ~

emyminzel

There are times in life when you are required to take the advice you give to others. When my friends come to me about life changes and significant concerns, my advice is almost always. “Trust it.” But what if you don’t want change? What if you were perfectly fine living your life the way you were? That’s when change is not welcome and when we may protest or fight the inevitability of change. Recently, I’ve discovered I am so very tired of fighting, and so I choose to trust and just let go.

The life I live is magical and blessed yet as we know, situations change, and so does life. Though I had a great time in the years I’ve spent chasing writing dreams and nurturing big aspirations; circumstances have made it clear I have to make changes that will seemingly impede my pursuits. Unfortunately, this turn of events seems a lot like a failure and feels like I’ve been stabbed straight in my ego, Ouchy! But I am a big girl, and I know I got this.

Maybe I don’t have to change as much as I think I do? I know I do not have to give up on my dreams! What I do know is that it is crystal clear my goals will not come to fruition in the way that I thought they would. It just took me a bit to grasp this new reality. I know, I will figure out a way to stay authentic to myself and to make time to dedicate making my dreams a reality. This inevitable change is weird and a little scary when it comes out of the blue.

This is where I know I must trust this change of circumstances not only in my writing goals but my professional life as well. I am second guessing my political aspirations and even my day job… So basically, my whole life is up in the air, and I find this jarring and yet also a little exciting! Thankfully my relationships and home life, are still holding strong, giving me confidence that I will be just fine. This turn of events is just part of my own adventure in life!

It is no coincidence that I keep pulling the Tower card out in my tarot readings. This card holds an image of a castle on fire and crumbling to the ground. Although it may scare others, I know it does not necessarily have to be a bad sign. It just means I must adjust and take the opportunity to revise what was not working for me. It’s an opportunity to rebuild a way of life that better suits who I am now. It means I’ve outgrown my situation and it’s time to change.

I know I must follow my own advice and believe this change is necessary because there are other things I want and need in life too. To make progress on getting what I need, I now see that I must make changes to get them! Don’t they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again then expecting different results? Maybe I was too ‘in the soup’ to see that I have fallen into a rut.

I am hoping this is just the Universe/God helping to lift me to more solid ground and to get my life back onto the path I am meant to be on. All this change can be a great thing if I let it. I still have a great life! Sure, I could choose to kick and scream, whine, and cry while pieces of my old ways and dreams burn in front of me. Okay, who am I kidding? I have done some of that too… But I can also choose to look at this as an opportunity to rebuild my life in a way that fits who I am now and where I want to be in the future!

Attitude plays a big part in how we perceive our days, and the days make up our life! I do have a choice in how I decide to deal with this hand I’ve been dealt. I choose to be grateful that this change is not brought on by tragedy only changing circumstances, and that those around me are safe and sound, and so am I.

I can decide to look up at the heavens and say. “I trust you to bring me a life even better then I could ever imagine!” So that is precisely what I am going to do.

I choose to take my own advice and trust this change.

I sincerely hope my outlook helps you sort through changes too.

Sending love and blessings to you and yours,

Emy Minzel 

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

Photo of the Tower Tarot card in my Sun and Moon Tarot deck by Vanessa Decort

Innerwork, Uncategorized

Lilacs and bonfires

emyminzel

Over Memorial Weekend, I got to spend time with my family and friends enjoying our time together. Sunday came, and it was one of the most beautiful day’s we’ve had all year. My husband and I Barbecued and sat out on the deck, enjoying the glorious day and each other. There was a lovely scent of lilacs and honeysuckle in the air as we felt summer peeking around the corner.

After dinner, we had decided to have a bonfire and set up our lawn chairs to relax. As the heavenly scent of flower and cleansing smoke swept through breeze at dusk, I thought to myself. “If love had a scent, it would smell like lilacs and bonfires.” Both these aromas bring peace and calming to my soul, just like love does.

This made me think of other things that make me feel contentment. Then I asked myself how often do I truly experience this serenity? Peace is tricky, it feels good and believe it or not feeling happy is scary at times. Lately, I’ve noticed my tendency to stop myself from fulling enjoying the good days when I should be savoring every minute I possibly can. So I have started to make small changes to help me do so.

After all, the smell of lilacs and bonfires only comes by naturally for a short amount of time. Lilacs only bloom for a few weeks before the blooms and scent fade. We must enjoy it when we have it, or it passes unappreciated. This is true with many things in life like newborn cries that turn to sweet little voices, and before you know it, graduation comes.

Some of these precious moments like falling in love, newlywed bliss, or summer in Minnesota seem to only last for a short while. The times when we fall in love with life and our emotions are blissful are what we live for! I’ve been doing my best to stop myself and contemplate my blessing when I feel a complaint coming on.

I’ve started a gratitude an experiment just out of curiosity. Every morning I open my eyes. I remind myself to say a prayer of “Thank you for this day.” Then before my grumpy morning thoughts start and I get out of bed, I repeat the simple mantra of “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Doing so has helped me enjoy even the plainest of days when life is not full of fun bonfires, and lilacs. When I say. “Thank for the blessing of this home to clean.” Or “Thank you for this day, and these clients that allow me to do what I love and recieve what I need!” My attitude changes to gratitude, and I feel much more content about starting the week again on Monday.

Summer weekends seem to be short bursts full of life, love, and excitement. They help bring the contentment of these experiences into the rest of the week effectively changing my tune. Choosing to carry the memories of the good times into today brings me peace. Catching myself before I complain and then redirecting my thoughts to my blessings has changed not only my attitude but also my energy. I get to be happy today!

Today I get to create my present, I get to choose to have another incredible work week. When I sneak outside and catch the scent of lilacs, my brain will remember, and my body will react with contentment from the memories of thoroughly enjoying and appreciating the momentary blessings of my life. Believe it or not, I can choose to train my brain to see the goodness in all of my days. Even on a Monday!

How do you foster contentment in your life?! I’d love to hear your tips and tricks that help you look forward to a new week!

Wishing you an abundance of peace, love, and flowers,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

#lifelessons, #teamwork, Innerwork

Good talk, honey.

emyminzel

This past weekend I was lucky to spend time with my husband not doing anything but enjoying his company. Somedays it’s nice not to have a full schedule of to do’s, as he’s my favorite person to do nothing with! This weekend gave us time to catch up with each other as we sat under the porch while it rained and talked. We shared a blanket, deep thoughts, and held hands. It was a moment that brought us both contentment. We just enjoyed being together while watching a storm pass.

Holding on to each other while letting the storm blow over made me contemplative. Isn’t this a perfect metaphor for marriage? Having your best friend by your side while the weather or life rages around us is a blessing. I see how lucky I am to have him helping me through the toughest times. Truthfully, there are times when I forget just how fortunate I am. The Universe brings me beautiful relationships, a career I enjoy, and a life with freedom to be me.

I have found it’s during the stormy days that tend to make the most meaningful conversations and form deeper connections. This weekend was no different. During our peaceful rainy day together, my husband, Jason and I found ourselves in philosophical discussions. We discussed a recent rocky spell in our life, and how going through it so separately made us realize what we could lose. We saw how eventually it helped us grow closer and more thankful for each other.

I find it not so funny that we seemed to have to get so close to losing each other before we realized just how much we love and need another. Has any such situation happened to you? When something terrible happens, it decidedly changes your perspective on life from that moment forward. It could be a tragic event that changes you almost immediately, or in our case, it took us years to go through this lesson together.

Isn’t this how we get ‘experience’ and how people grow wisdom? It’s also how we grow empathy, fear, and doubts. It is why people have a crisis of faith, life crisis, or breakdowns that alter who we once were. My best friend just went through something just like this. Life changing moments and lessons that agitate you from the inside and show us what spills out. Do we trust our guidance after our foundation has been shaken? What do we think when we don’t know what to think anymore?

Sometimes life is hard, adulting isn’t as fun as it looks on TV and our lives aren’t as perfect as we’d like them to be. It was nice to take a beat and sit on the front porch holding hands with the man I love. I realized just how thankful and blessed I am to have such a beautiful family life. It reminded me to stop my complaining and nitpicking about my husband or anyone else! I have learned to be grateful for the man he is and the loved ones that put up with me!

After all, I am no saint, I can be challenging and demanding, and he loves me anyway. Although I am thankful, sometimes, I see myself complaining about my blessings when they feel heavy. Adventure Sister Stacy wears a bracelet that helps remind her to count her blessing instead of her complaints. Recently she gifted me two of these bracelets. She gave me two because she said. “They break easily, or I complain a lot.” Now I understand what she means.

It’s easy to get in the habit of voicing our complaint because when we are vocal of our blessings, we don’t want to seem like we are bragging. We don’t want others to think we are boastful, so we diminish our blessings of a great life by complaining about the small stuff. This ‘rough patch’ ended up shining a spotlight on the value of our perfectly imperfect marriage.

As my husband and I poured our souls into our conversation and the moments of peace, we both realized the blessing of our love and the life we share. I am better with him, and he is better with me because we are a team. There is nobody else I trust as much to have my back, or I want on my team more than my husband. He helps me grow, loves me as I am, and makes me crazy in all the best ways that make life enjoyable. That’s family for you.

I just wanted to drop you a note to remind you and myself, that it is okay to speak of the good stuff as passionately as we voice our displeasure. I don’t know about you, but I need to hear the good that is happening in the world today. Please tell me about your baby’s first step, or how your youngest son graduated high school if you won a ton at Bingo or how grateful you are to have a good day!

Then, let me tell you what a great guy my husband is, and just how lucky I feel to be me. I am so thankful for my husband, my family, and my friends, that I cannot even contain my feels. Love swells in my heart and slips out my eyes for the blessing of my imperfectly perfect life. I am also thankful for my blessings in disguise; I am grateful for the blessings that stayed even when I forgot to be thankful.

It’s remarkable what I learn sitting on the porch in the rain holding hands with my husband: good talk, honey, good talk.

Sending love, blessings, and joy,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

#lifelessons, #teamwork, Innerwork

Mirror Mirror on the wall…

emyminzel

Who’s the most stubborn of them all?

Have you heard of the psychological concept called mirroring? It is something people do subconsciously when communicating with each other. Sometimes it helps people seem charming, sociable and friendly. Other times, when we see something in others that we do ourselves but aren’t aware of, it can rub us the wrong way. It will change the way you perceive someone on a subliminal level, both in a good and bad way.

Sometimes we will mimic body languages like smiling, crossing our legs or arms while having a conversation. This involuntary movement helps us connect on a personal level beyond our words. I have heard, that when you notice or perceive an undesirable characteristic in others, it is because you possess the same trait yourself. If you do not like this quality about yourself, you are not going to like it in another person.

Most of the time we do not even know we are mirroring others, or see ourselves in another, although it is a very human attribute. Stacy and I recently had the experience of mirroring each other with our strong wills. I know who she is. I love it that she is strong-willed, determined, driven, and will tell me how she feels even if it is hard. I find it a giant blessing to have a good friend who wears her crown as proudly as I like too! I love these qualities, and we mirror each other in this way.

We have a lot of things in common and robust will power is just one of them. But as you may have guessed, if we turn our willfulness and face each other instead of the world… Well… “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of them all?” Our Boss Queen Crowns get lock horned into a stronghold, and there we are. Crowns crossed and face to face; mirroring our sister.

Well, what do you do then? Since Stacy is a dear friend of mine, I decided its best to take some time and stepped back to contemplate how I was going to handle this delicate matter. I do not want to hurt her but… “I’m right, and she’s wrong.” I know this isn’t true and can guarantee Stacy was thinking the same thing about me! Truth is somewhere in the middle; now it was up to us to find common ground.

Had we not realized we were indeed mirroring each other’s attributes or that we put our friendship before our stubbornness, we would probably still be crown locked. I could easily see how this type of mirroring could be damaging to a relationship or even an everyday encounter if not recognized. I think this type of thing happens a great deal in the real world, and how we chose to handle the situation is vital to the outcome.

I think it’s easy to write off a stranger, co-worker or acquaintance for the rest of your life if you feel strongly that you are in the right. Family and close friends are a different story though, you tend to let love override righteousness in favor of peace in most mirroring situations. This happens in mother/daughter or father/son relationships a lot. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is another way we say it to compare similarities.

Resemblances do not stop us from disagreeing in those moments of discord. What I love about my soul sister and myself is now the same thing that is causing chaos. Mirroring can be very helpful if you are willing to see yourself as others see you. You get the chance to see how it feels to have your behavior inflicted upon yourself and see how you like it.

It can be uncomfortable because growth is often painful. I mean. How, dare she use MY attributes against me?! (Insert sarcasm here.) Seeing myself in my best friends’ actions was awkward. Yet because it was my friend, my response softened, and I did my best to reign in the Boss Queen inside, that likes to call the shots.

I bring up this mystical communication we call mirroring because it’s not talked about much, yet it is used in everyday interactions between all humans. Our exchanges with others very much depends on what kind of energy you are bringing to the situation before you. At work, school, relationships, social media, driving, or at the dinner table. What you put out is what we get back. Attitudes are contagious, so hopefully, we are all doing our best to share sunshine and not BS.

When we see something in another we do not like, maybe it is a sign to go within and fix it in ourselves. Even if we don’t know how to correct our behavior, even noticing our tendencies, is a great way to get to know yourself. I will use this knowledge to temper how I may react in the next similar situation. I think that is how we mature and become the people we want to be. I love using my experiences to grow. I chose to make small changes in myself and do better next time.

If ever I find myself crown locked with another Boss Queen, whether she’s my friend or not. I will stop and see myself in her. I will do my best to practice empathy and really listen to her message. Sometimes, friends and family fight. It is life. But I’ve found it is my willingness to be respectful and negotiate that really allows me to move through to a resolution, that is kind and acceptable for everyone.

This week the mirror showed me a reflection of the Boss Queen inside, getting crown-locked with my soul sister. “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of us all?”

I decided I valued my friendship more than my righteousness. Now I take this lesson and self-awareness into the future with me. I have learned to appreciate the human who mirrors you. It’s a message to help you see yourself. They may be a reflection of you.

Love and blessings,

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

*Photo credit – Pure Heart Memoir

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

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