This essay of finding home, was written for a live reading at my friend Susan’s art studio in Minneapolis. Where women gathered to read their personal experiences of finding home. Susan invited us to share our stories at the yearly Art Districts Art-a-Whirl community event in studio #501. I am thankful for the experience and the opportunity. Not only for sharing my story, but for the chance to answer such a profoundly personal question I had not truly explored until now. Miigwech, to all the women who hold space, share their experience and love with me on my writing journey.
Finding home.
By Emy Minzel
When Susan invited me to share about finding home… I thought back to my childhood.
I grew up a free-range latchkey kid in Virginia Minnesota. Which was quite fun! It was also how I learned to love adventure!
I am thankful for the skills I learned back then… many of which, I still use today.
I remember the feeling so free! The world out there was waiting for me to explore it and nobody to tell me I couldn’t! So, that’s what I did.
I would ride my bike all over town, making friends in every direction. Often, I’d get to stay with my grandparents up north in Cook. Where I would wander fearlessly into the forest. Gazing at the clouds, following birds, making friends with the trees. Talking to forest animals and fairies.
Even as a little girl I’ve felt most comfortable outside in nature.
I remember floating in Lake Vermillion looking up in the cloudless blue sky. The sun shining in my eyes and reflecting like diamonds on the surface around me.
The sounds of laughter and people playing at the beach echoed in my water filled my ears. While I was being held up by my grandmother’s arms as she patiently taught me how to back float.
I trusted my grandma Emy more than anyone in the world. I was safe. I was home.
Still so young and innocent I was able to tune into the divine source all around me. My body naturally learned it needed this connection to Mother Nature.
This is where my love of water and nature began.
To this day I recognize that the little girl is still inside. When I catch myself gazing out the window on a nice day. You can trust my thoughts are conspiring to see if there is any way to get outside or into the water.
My spirit still yearns for the freedom of that free-range kid.
To feed the need to run outside and soak up the nourishing minerals of the water and vitamins from the sunshine.
My body still loves to float. It feels like being rocked in a soothing rhythm of a warm womb. The water effortlessly cradles me securely and feeding me love. As if I am plugging into the umbilical cord of the Divine Mother’s feminine embrace.
When I am reconnected to the natural world. My mind, body and spirit feel supported, nourished, cherished.
In these moments I can release my worries.
My spirit releases long sighs of solace.
I am safe.
I am home.
As I grew up my life and home changed. We moved away from my grandma and the familiar small town and water of Lake Vermillion.
Now older and more independent, I found Silver Lake, much smaller and not nearly as grand as Vermillion. Often frozen and covered in snow as it goes in Northern Minnesota.
Yet on sunny winter days someone’s dad or the older kids would shovel the thick layer of snow to reveal a gleaming ice rink. Where I would play on the ice for hours with my friends.
When I was tired, I’d sit on a snowbank gobbling up handfuls of ornate snowflakes for hydration. Appreciating the mosaic beauty glimmering in the ice foundation beneath my skates.
I still got to be on the water. Helping my body still feel connected to nature.
Home continued to evolve as the seasons and cycles of time ensured. I moved even further away. Which kept me from the water and my grandma for many years.
The demands of adulting had separated the bond I once felt to nature and my Gram.
For many years I felt out of place in the houses and towns in which I lived. They looked and felt heavy as the concrete landscapes.
Emotionally and spiritually, they weighed about the same. Too busy to rest, too loud to listen, too removed to remember.
Eventually I was unable to relate to my own inner knowing. The part of me that knows better. This disconnection made life feel much harder.
Quick showers and environmental toxins of city life started to soak in. Changing the chemistry of my mind and my energy.
I had forgotten the feeling of being nurtured by nature. As I fed my spirit a steady diet of harder hustle and denial.
I was an adult, doing the adulting things. This is what I was supposed to be doing right?
Plugging my ears to my intuition, the life lessons got louder and way more uncomfortable.
Disassociating from the feeling of being lost. I felt like I was just faking it through life.
Like the chlorinated tap water coming from my faucet stripped of all the minerals and lifeless. The lifestyle I was living was like the tap water I was drinking. Neither deep enough to float in, nor healthy enough to nourish my mind, body or spirit.
Eventually giving up to a numb acceptance that dimmed my spirit. I felt destined to accept the slow dehydration of all that I once loved about myself and my life. Pushing through the persistent aching feeling as if I was drowning on dry land.
Though you wouldn’t know it, just lots of us do. I smiled though the pain and kept keeping on.
By then my grandma had passed away. Missing the safety of her steady love that kept me afloat. My body much older by now. My mind melancholy. My spirit still believing there must be a better way.
It took me far too long to realize I still knew how to swim. It was time to save myself.
I started to meditate and retreat, taking time to find myself. Which allowed me to slow down and listen to the part of me that still knows better. Finally hearing the intuitive whispers still trying to reconnect me with my inner truth.
It was time to find home again.
Life began to reward my efforts for listening. Guiding me with synchronicities that would eventually lead me back to nature and the water…
As the Universe does, it worked, it’s magic. Bringing a new friend into my life!
She reminded me how to play! Which motivated the leveling up of my spiritual journey.
Her friendship felt like a kind, supportive older sister I once knew in another lifetime.
Our connection was slowly rehydrating my verve for life. Like a fresh cool drink of delicious mineral filled water straight from the garden hose on a hot day.
Our playdates got better and longer, each of us doing our best to add more fun and excitement into our lives.
When we planned an outfitted trip to into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area for the first time at age 38.
Nervous and excited we joyfully headed north. The return to the familiar evergreen Boreal Forest woke my soul instantly. With the first sniff of nature’s crisp pine aroma therapy.
My spirit nearly screamed. Yes! YES!!!! More please!
We canoed, portaged, played. The stars were plentiful and my eyes wide in wonder.
We had time to be still and absorb all that is good and holy in this world. I was able to see the clear difference in the health of the water around me and inside of me.
Lifting my spirit and opening my heart. Feeling as if the curtains in an abandoned house were open for the first time in years.
We sat in silence on the boulder shore listening to birds sing to the sunrise.
Quietly drinking lake water tea, we witnessed a moose swim past our campsite. A family of loons floated by going in the other direction.
That morning felt like I was participating in a sacred sunrise service. Being baptized by Mother Earth herself. She gave me the blessing of courage to rearrange my outlook on life and the way I was living it.
I floated in the womb of her wisdom until I felt nature Tenderly reconnecting the umbilical cord of my soul to the nurturing spirit of the Divine Mother once again.
The innocent little girl full of life and love. The part of me I cherish the most. Finally felt safe enough to resurface for a chance to experience a long overdue back float.
Surrounded by the forest full of cathedral trees and ancient stone formations. I felt alive and inspired!
So inspired I began to sing to the water.
Words flowing from my heart vibrating appreciation to the vast heaven on earth that surrounded me.
“Thank you, water, I love you. Thank you for loving me too.
I value all you do. I’m your friend and you my friend too.”
When we returned from the deep forest and crystal clean waters of the Boundary Waters. I told everyone who would listen. “I found where God lives.”
The Divine had coordinated a wonderful adventure. It reconnected me to the powerful force of nature that felt a lot like my grandma’s love.
Setting in motion changes that would ripple through my life over a decade later. Reinvigorating my natural disposition and love of adventure. While Waking up a determination to maintain my connection to nature and water.
I finally found where I belong.
I knew I had found my home again.
Let the adventures begin!
My friend and I began to have many different experiences going into The Boundary Waters year after year.
Each of our journeys had lessons to share. And just like my grandma. None of them ever let me down.
Basswood lake reminded me I could keep myself warm and sheltered even with wet firewood and minimal supplies. Reminding me, my connection to nature provides powerful healing.
The portage to Four Town tested my determination. Showing me how strong I truly am inside and out. Teaching me that sometimes… less is more. While reminding me God has a great sense of humor.
And that the best conversations happen on rainy days over a cup of tea and under a tarp.
North Temperance was a reminder to soak up and enjoy sunny days! Because it’s not every day you get the chance to enjoy a ride on a lazy river of life. So, let yourself truly be present and enjoy them when you can.
The explorations of Big Lake and Brule Lake taught me that paddling through the big waves of life that come unexpectantly would be easier to navigate with a hand to hold.
South Hegman Lake was a lesson in being selective in the company I kept. Having good boundaries and carrying your own weight.
Sawbill Lake taught me sometimes it’s best to rest and float through times of confusion and trust in divine timing.
I allowed myself to be grateful for each perfect synchronicity. Not only in the Boundary Waters but in the flow of life I had finally gotten back into. These adventures in nature bringing me closer to the home within myself.
The vibes of the lakes changed with each adventure. Changing me as well.
My soul was patient as I slowly integrated the wisdom I gained by paddling, portaging and floating in the water. Navigating through the forests Turning into life lessons over the years long after the experience have passed.
All these experiences taught me to listen and apply the wisdom; I’ve earned the hard way.
Teaching me to trust in my abilities when I am swimming beyond my comfort zone.
Utilizing instincts and discernment to recognize when it is necessary to take action to retreat to safety. And truly appreciating the times it’s safe to float.
The next year my friend cancelled last minute and could not go on our trip. By now I was so in love with these excursions that the need to return to nature let me conquer fears that kept me from growing.
So, my first solo pilgrimage into The Boundary Waters commenced.
Proving to myself I could make it through scary storms and long rainy days alone. While also reminding me that the right company is preferable.
As I got older, I tried less roughing it and more back floating. Realizing what I needed now was rest, and relaxation. To allow my overwhelmed nervous system to find respite.
This took me to beautiful Lake Kabetogama. Where I floated and sang to the water between naps.
This somehow led to a magical experience on Mallard Island on Rainy Lake the very next year. Where I learned it was the right time to integrate all these experiences into a welcome transformation.
I kept flowing from one adventure to the next. Following the powerful pull of the water.
This time it was just me and my dog Hank on Poplar Lake off the Gunflint Trail.
A whole week of hiking deep into the forest, kayaking, and back floating at least 3 times a day. Even when the air temperature was colder than the lake. People passing by in a canoe wearing hoodies looking at me like I was a little crazy.
I’m as Minnesotan as a hearty tator tot hotdish and I know it. I waved and smiled. Now comfortable in who I am.
I floated until my fingers wrinkled. Unbothered by any judgement and owning my eccentric vibes.
Poplar Lake doesn’t know this, or maybe she does because I sang to her too.
The warm august water of Poplar Lake held me securely in the womb of her wisdom. While I floated and nurtured my broken heart and loved myself back to life.
These journeys into the forest and pristine waters of Northern Minnesota started to feel more like coming home than going away.
Fighting is futile at this point, my spirit knows it is the water calling my soul back home. I can no longer deny nor delay the journey. I feel this powerful magnetic pull on my spirit as if I am being summoned.
Like my mom calling me in from free-ranging when the streetlights came on. It’s time to come home now.
The persistent pull and intuitive demands calling me home to the water are purposeful. There is a deep sacred duty inside. Compelling me to bring crucial environmental awareness to the world around me.
I believe it’s the spirit of water. She is asking me to help keep her safe as she has done for me. I know in my heart must answer.
Realizing I love the water as much as I love my grandmother. It’s a love so great that I was willing to change my life for the chance I might have an opportunity to protect it.
The Universe was urging me to utilize the life skills, and courage I gained on these journeys. Giving me the opportunity to run for State House of Representatives and then again for State Senate.
JUST to Save the Boundary Waters.
We must understand that the Garden of Eden we read about in a book. Is the planet we are living on right here and right now!
We are the stewards of the bountiful beautiful garden of Earth. The one God blessed us with that provides everything we need.
Did you know? The human body contains the same ratio of water as Planet Earth. A clever design that connects us profoundly to nature. We do not live on the Earth. We are of the Earth. Just like the birds, the bears and the whales.
Just like my body. When I nurture her and love her in healthy, kind ways. She provides me with all I need to thrive.
This is not a coincidence, it is a direct connection and symbolism of what will happen to the pristine water of Minnesota if we allow toxic copper mining near the Boundary Waters.
This type of mining has a 100% failure rate leading to catastrophic sulfuric acid pollution. This is forever pollution that lasts over 500 years. Sulfuric acid is basically battery acid that kills all it touches.
Water has no boundaries.
Minnesota is the water bearer of our Nation. Our beautiful land of 10,000 lakes holds over 20% of the entire worlds fresh water.
We cannot allow our public lands, pristine lakes, rivers and our drinking water to be sacrificed for any reason.
If the President gets his way, the pollution from copper mines will poison water sheds that flow into the Boundary waters up to Canada through the Rainy Lake watershed. Then Lake Superior connected to the chain of great lakes. Into Headwaters of the Mississippi River that runs through the heartland of our nation into the Gulf of Mexico.
The Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness is a rare and irreplaceable blessing.
Our very own garden of Eden must be treated as the sacred gift it is. The water it holds will be more valuable than gold in less than 25 years.
Environmental facts state that by 2050 over half the US will struggle to find clean drinking water.
Because I love the BWCA and water so much. I am compelled to bring awareness to the fact that Minnesota’s watery way of life is facing a death sentence.
Along with a very expensive and futile superfund cleanup to be covered by the taxpayers… thats you and me.
This isn’t an exaggeration. These are historically proven facts that to this day affect the land and residence of Butte Montana, Peru, Chile, South America and every single copper mining site that exists on the planet right now.
During the years I ignorantly denied my inner knowing I was going along just to get along…
This is when my life was dry and barren, harder in every possible way.
I feel as if the water and my grandma have been divinely guiding to my life’s purpose. To use my voice and art to advocate for the vulnerable and valuable environment that cannot defend itself.
By applying the skills I’ve learned from the water and my grandma. Using gentle strength, devotion and unyielding persistence
This reminds me that.
The work… Is the prayer.
Now the inner knowing is profound and undeniable.
Compelling me to continue asking for help on my path to be of service for something bigger than myself.
I stand here. Using this generous opportunity to tell my story about finding home. And ask you for help too.
This is my earnest and urgent call to action. Please help me protect our water.
To stand together and defend The Boundary Waters Canoe Area.
A gift of sanctuary, our garden of Eden, the place where God lives.
Where I finally… found home.
Blessings,
Emy Minzel
EmyMinzel.com
How to help Save the Boundary Waters!!!
Call your local Minnesota State Senators and Local State Representative in your district.
You can find out who they are by searching on the Minnesota Legislature website at www.leg.mn.gov
Or just follow this link and enter your zip code. Which will bring you straight there.
https://www.gis.lcc.mn.gov/iMaps/districts/
Contact all parties. Republican, Democrats, and independent representatives with respect and kindness. Some of them are unaware of the dangers copper mining guarantees. I personally met with my Republican State Rep who was very responsive to my concerns. He loves Minnesota too! And meeting with him in person was impactful for both of us.
I believe most of the members in MN congress are good people who want to do the right thing. Not everyone can know everything and it’s up to us the voters to tell them how we want to be represented and what is important to us! Write a letter to the editor. Recruit friends and family here in Minnesota to get involved too. There truly is power in the people.
Here is what you say:
I am asking you to vote in favor of protecting The Boundary Waters by voting to support these three bills.
The Prove it First Bill Bad Actor Bill Taxpayer Protection Act
SF1382 – State Senate SF1744 – Senate SF1383 – Senate
HF 954 – State House HF 1197 – House HF955 – House
The Prove it First Bill SF1382 /HF 954. Simply request that an applicant seeking a permit to operate a copper-sulfide mine must prove that such a mine can be operated and closed without causing pollution. Providing proof they have sites that have been in operation for 10 years and after being closed for 10 years without pollution.
Bad Actor Bill SF 1744 / HF 1197. This bill would prevent Minnesota from granting copper/sulfite mining permits to companies that have violated international laws, including corruption, bribery, or environmental destruction, ensuring Minnesota’s clean water remains protected from irresponsible international mining conglomerates.
Taxpayer Protection Act SF1383 / HF955. Taxpayer protection act would require nonferrous (non-iron) mining companies to fully fund any financial assurance package upfront and in cash. This would protect Minnesota taxpayers from being forced to pay for any environmental clean-up resulting from the nonferrous mining operations. Currently the regular operating methods of these companies are to leave a toxic mess and the cleanup bill to the taxpayers by simply declaring bankruptcy. (Source: http://www.FriendsofTheBoundaryWaters.org)
Minnesota is the water bearer of the Nation that guards over 20% of the world’s fresh water. Fresh drinking water is a dwindling precious resource.
The EPA states that by 2050 over have of Americans will struggle to find fresh drinking water.
In less than 25 years the Nation is going to be facing severe water shortages.
This will be a true National Emergency!!!
With already over half of the water in Minnesota too polluted to drink or eat fish from. Protecting and preserving the water we need to survive is imperative. Voting to protect the Boundary Waters Canoe Area is part of our maintaining our States and National Security.
By voting in favor of these bills. You show your Minnesota residence that you stand up for us and do what is right. You prove that you stand against foreign corporations poisoning the purest water source in our nation in a shortsighted and reckless money grab. As your constituent I am asking you to protect our essential water resources and the Minnesota way of life. We can live without copper. We cannot live without water.
Emy Minzel 