Category: #lifelessons

#lifelessons, #teamwork, Innerwork

Mirror Mirror on the wall…

Emy Minzel

Who’s the most stubborn of them all?

Have you heard of the psychological concept called mirroring? It is something people do subconsciously when communicating with each other. Sometimes it helps people seem charming, sociable and friendly. Other times, when we see something in others that we do ourselves but aren’t aware of, it can rub us the wrong way. It will change the way you perceive someone on a subliminal level, both in a good and bad way.

Sometimes we will mimic body languages like smiling, crossing our legs or arms while having a conversation. This involuntary movement helps us connect on a personal level beyond our words. I have heard, that when you notice or perceive an undesirable characteristic in others, it is because you possess the same trait yourself. If you do not like this quality about yourself, you are not going to like it in another person.

Most of the time we do not even know we are mirroring others, or see ourselves in another, although it is a very human attribute. Stacy and I recently had the experience of mirroring each other with our strong wills. I know who she is. I love it that she is strong-willed, determined, driven, and will tell me how she feels even if it is hard. I find it a giant blessing to have a good friend who wears her crown as proudly as I like too! I love these qualities, and we mirror each other in this way.

We have a lot of things in common and robust will power is just one of them. But as you may have guessed, if we turn our willfulness and face each other instead of the world… Well… “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of them all?” Our Boss Queen Crowns get lock horned into a stronghold, and there we are. Crowns crossed and face to face; mirroring our sister.

Well, what do you do then? Since Stacy is a dear friend of mine, I decided its best to take some time and stepped back to contemplate how I was going to handle this delicate matter. I do not want to hurt her but… “I’m right, and she’s wrong.” I know this isn’t true and can guarantee Stacy was thinking the same thing about me! Truth is somewhere in the middle; now it was up to us to find common ground.

Had we not realized we were indeed mirroring each other’s attributes or that we put our friendship before our stubbornness, we would probably still be crown locked. I could easily see how this type of mirroring could be damaging to a relationship or even an everyday encounter if not recognized. I think this type of thing happens a great deal in the real world, and how we chose to handle the situation is vital to the outcome.

I think it’s easy to write off a stranger, co-worker or acquaintance for the rest of your life if you feel strongly that you are in the right. Family and close friends are a different story though, you tend to let love override righteousness in favor of peace in most mirroring situations. This happens in mother/daughter or father/son relationships a lot. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is another way we say it to compare similarities.

Resemblances do not stop us from disagreeing in those moments of discord. What I love about my soul sister and myself is now the same thing that is causing chaos. Mirroring can be very helpful if you are willing to see yourself as others see you. You get the chance to see how it feels to have your behavior inflicted upon yourself and see how you like it.

It can be uncomfortable because growth is often painful. I mean. How, dare she use MY attributes against me?! (Insert sarcasm here.) Seeing myself in my best friends’ actions was awkward. Yet because it was my friend, my response softened, and I did my best to reign in the Boss Queen inside, that likes to call the shots.

I bring up this mystical communication we call mirroring because it’s not talked about much, yet it is used in everyday interactions between all humans. Our exchanges with others very much depends on what kind of energy you are bringing to the situation before you. At work, school, relationships, social media, driving, or at the dinner table. What you put out is what we get back. Attitudes are contagious, so hopefully, we are all doing our best to share sunshine and not BS.

When we see something in another we do not like, maybe it is a sign to go within and fix it in ourselves. Even if we don’t know how to correct our behavior, even noticing our tendencies, is a great way to get to know yourself. I will use this knowledge to temper how I may react in the next similar situation. I think that is how we mature and become the people we want to be. I love using my experiences to grow. I chose to make small changes in myself and do better next time.

If ever I find myself crown locked with another Boss Queen, whether she’s my friend or not. I will stop and see myself in her. I will do my best to practice empathy and really listen to her message. Sometimes, friends and family fight. It is life. But I’ve found it is my willingness to be respectful and negotiate that really allows me to move through to a resolution, that is kind and acceptable for everyone.

This week the mirror showed me a reflection of the Boss Queen inside, getting crown-locked with my soul sister. “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who’s the most stubborn of us all?”

I decided I valued my friendship more than my righteousness. Now I take this lesson and self-awareness into the future with me. I have learned to appreciate the human who mirrors you. It’s a message to help you see yourself. They may be a reflection of you.

Love and blessings,

Emy Minzel

https://emyminzel.com

@EmyMinzel

*Photo credit – Pure Heart Memoir

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Google images link – https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&biw=1525&bih=706&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=uRnDXLL2L8qEsAXdkKYY&q=mirror+mirror+on+the+wall&oq=mirror+mirror&gs_l=img.1.0.0l10.100080.104684..107090…1.0..3.114.2583.19j8……2….1..gws-wiz-img…..0..0i8i30j35i39j0i67j0i10.-_6N8urCGJc#imgrc=gNhNyivjh1xgrM:

#lifelessons, Uncategorized

What does success look like?

Emy Minzel

The definition of Success is subjective. We all have a different point view. What one person considers successful, another may disagree with entirely. Neither of them is wrong, but it does indicate what those individuals’ value. Some people believe lots of money, cars, houses, boats, and toys of all kinds means you are successful in life.

Is that true for everyone? I don’t think so.

Yes, money and all the things it can buy will help you live a more comfortable life. There are plenty of people who have all the money they need and all the stuff they ever wanted, and yet, they’re emotionally miserable because they may not have what they truly need.

People need things that cannot be bought and paid for. Like time, health, family, dear friends, true connection with others, and the feeling of belonging. These ‘free’ things, that are often disregarded when talking about success, are more important than they get any credit for.

I believe being happy and content in the life you live is success. If you can look in the mirror and say “hey, you did your best today. I still like you. You were kind to everyone and everything. Your friends and family still love you” then today was a success!

Much of me believes that having a roof over our head, food on the table, love and a purpose to get up in the morning is what truly fills my heart. When it comes down to it. To me, that is success.

Even when funds seem tight, I still consider my life successful because I have worked hard on being the kind of person I view as successful, which is kind, compassionate, adventurous, smart, and ambitious. I’ve been working on myself to be the best person I can be, and it has been paying off mind, body and spiritually.

When I decided to set goals for myself and keep them. It led to forgiving myself and others. Then to greater love and respect for myself, so then I was able to treat my body better. Meeting these goals on more days than not feels good. This also feels like success.

I have wonderful family and friends that love me through the mistakes or miscommunications.  A few highly valued loved ones who taught me how to be as supportive to others as they support me. Being thankful for the people, pets, opportunities and situations that bring me joy and allow me to be authentically me help me feel successful.

How do you view success? What does it look like to you? Go kick butt by being you today! Success is what you make of it.

Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,

Emy Minzel ~

https://emyminzel.com

@emyminzel

#lifelessons, #spiritual, Innerwork

Is your inner child calling?

Emy Minzel

I recently reflected on how I sometimes create my own drama, asking myself, “What part of me generates this conflict, and why?” I’m fascinated by personality traits, especially when I surprise myself with my own actions. While I’m sure a psychologist could explain these traits in clinical terms, I’m not a doctor, so I won’t play one on the internet.

Instead, I’ve been exploring the deeper space within me where these traits originate. I know they’re a part of me—but what part? Who are you in there, and how can I nurture us so that we don’t resort to creating drama or conflict unnecessarily?

I know I’m a bit of an odd duck, and I recognize that some may see my beliefs and ideals as utopian. I’m perfectly okay with that, because I truly believe in the goodness of humanity. I also believe that I carry the spark of life—of God—within me, just as you do. With this belief comes an understanding that I can create my own magic by manifesting a beautiful life—or, admittedly, by generating unnecessary drama.

For the most part, I feel the quality of my life is within my control. I get to choose how I face each day through my attitude, actions, and reactions. I also believe that the people around us—our friends and family—hold up mirrors, allowing us to see ourselves through the circumstances life presents. These reflections are here to teach us and help us grow.

Last week, my adventure sister, Stacy Crep, and I were planning our Boundary Waters trip for this summer. We discussed our intentions for the trip and what we both hoped to gain from this deep wilderness experience. Typically, it’s just the two of us. We wander the forest as though we’re Queens in a wall-less castle, under the canopy of trees. For me, the forest feels as comforting and healing as home.

This year, we considered how meaningful it might be to share this spiritual experience with others we love. We decided to invite a couple of friends to join us. Initially, I hesitated. Deep down, I felt a little selfish. I wanted to preserve this experience as it’s always been—just the two of us.

I’m someone who values close, intimate relationships far more than large groups or casual conversations about work or the weather. I’m a deep thinker, always pondering the mysteries of life, as is my soul sister, Stacy. We have a soulful connection that I cherish deeply, and I wasn’t ready to share that sacred space with others just yet.

I labeled my feelings as selfish, but upon reflection, I don’t believe they stem from selfishness at all. Instead, I think they arise from the vulnerable part of me—the inner child—who isn’t quite ready to share this time with Stacy yet. That inner voice quietly whispered, “Not yet.”

About a week after Stacy and I agreed to bring others to the Boundary Waters, I found myself struggling to sleep. I lay awake, pondering the shift in my emotions about a trip that I’m usually excited for. Instead, I felt uneasy. I knew I had to honor these feelings and share them with Stacy; otherwise, I risked acting out in ways that might create unnecessary drama.

Thankfully, Stacy and I have built a friendship grounded in mutual respect. I value her deeply because we can be fully honest with each other. She understands that how I feel is just as important as how she feels. When I shared my thoughts about including others on this sacred adventure, I unintentionally triggered a reaction in Stacy. She, too, felt the pull to create conflict but chose instead to step back and see the situation for what it was: two women communicating their feelings honestly.

In our conversation, Stacy admitted that the little girl inside of her wanted to stomp her foot and say, “Fine. I’m not going then.” Her honesty struck me because I understood completely—that’s exactly what the vulnerable little girl inside of me wanted to say, too! There we were, two grown women, candidly acknowledging our vulnerabilities.

That level of honesty opened the door to a deeper dialogue about honoring our true feelings. In the end, we worked together to find a compromise that felt right for both of us. The experience was liberating, and it brought us even closer.

This exchange helped me realize that I don’t always react in the most mature way. But in that realization, I’ve learned to dig deeper into my own soul. Being honest with myself about who I am on the inside allows me to validate my needs—not just project the version of myself I want others to see.

When I am honest with my true self, I find it easier to approach all my relationships with authenticity and respect—not only for their needs but for my own as well. If I ignore or suppress my feelings, I tend to act out in ways that aren’t aligned with my best self.

Is this true for you, too? Do you have a part of you that screams to be heard? How does that part express itself—does it ask for help, or does it yearn for validation?

I’d love to start a conversation about this delicate subject. Do you honor the vulnerable inner child within you? Or does recognizing weakness make your ego step in and send those hurt feelings to the shadows, where they fester until they explode? Is it your inner child, or is it your ego—or perhaps even your inner child’s ego? What is that voice trying to say?

I believe it’s essential to look within ourselves for the answers we seek. I trust that we are wise beings, even when we don’t always act that way. I believe there’s a part of God within each of us—a Spirit or Soul that holds deep intuition and grace.

When we’re quiet enough to listen, aware enough to ask, and willing to grow, we can tap into that wisdom. The choice to nurture it or neglect it is ultimately up to us.

Namaste

Emy Minzel 

https://emyminzel.com