For the last five years, I have been extremely introverted, focusing on bettering myself, nurturing better relationships with my friends and family. I busied myself making my new house a home, growing gardens, writing books and dreaming of how I want my future to look. Sometimes I would feel glum about this fabulous life I was blessed with, and I didn’t understand why. What do I have to be so down about? What is the reason behind the emotions that where affecting my energy and my attitude in negative ways?
I have a wonderful family, a career I truly enjoy, a brown house with several gardens that I love. From the outside looking in, one would say I had it pretty darn great. Yet, this feeling of melancholy was heavy as a weighted blanket just not as useful. I would meditate, drum journey in the garden, exercise and write about how I was feeling. I hoped this would help me move through the uncertain feelings I was experiencing but didn’t understand where they were coming from.
After reading books and watching documentaries about living more sustainably to help the environment, I chose to implement changes in our household and my lifestyle. This led to growing a greater interest in politics, learning what I could do myself to help the greater good. I read self-improvement books, went to classes that helped me process my feelings. I would try to fill up my life with more love by fostering dogs and manufacturing busyness tending to my family and animals seeking to fill a persistent void that seemed like an endless tunnel.
Why was my fabulous life not enough to make me happy? I read a book called ‘The Hope’ by Andrew Harvey and it changed my direction just enough to lead me to where I am today. I believe that I do have more to offer the world, I am a nurturer by nature. It is in my blood to care for others, except my daughter is now grown, my husband is very self-sufficient, and my dogs are good boys who don’t require much doting either.
This left me with tons of nurturing instincts inside and nowhere to use it; I realized this is where my frustration came in. I contemplated fostering children which clearly is a much bigger commitment then dogs. This didn’t seem like the right time in my life and my intuition told me this was not where I would find what I am looking for. I know inside that I am connected to the earth in some way and here to foster in a new way of caring for it. I just did not know what I was supposed to do or how I was going to go about it.
I believe when you want to make the world a better place you start at home. You nurture your relationships, cherish and care for your community and do what you can right where you are. I picked up trash on the county road, became more politically involved and vocal, and I joined the local Friends of the Sherburne County Wildlife Refuge Advocacy committee, so I could have a small part in nurturing a tiny part of the world I hold so dear. Let me tell you that the moment I realized I do have the power to be the change I wish to see in the world, doors seem to fly open, life seemed to hand me magical opportunities to do better!
A friend once told me this is what happens when you are on the right path of your true-life purpose; what you came to earth to do in this lifetime. I sincerely hope she is right. I am having the best time moving forward with purpose and laser focused direction to foster in a cleaner, kinder community around me.
Wouldn’t you know it? That feeling of melancholy has dissipated; I wake up each morning excited about what life holds for me. I no longer wonder what to do with my abundance of passion that stokes my desire to care for something bigger than myself. I found it. I am thankful.
Wishing you an abundance of joyful blessings,
Emy Minzel ~ I am love.
Emy Minzel 