I am learning to embrace the architectural alchemy of uncertainty. What does that mean? It means I build as I go trusting each step is divinely guided. No one knows what the future holds, yet we still plan as if we can control it. They say the greatest journey begins with a single step, and so does the intentional building of a life.
To step off the cliff into the unknown, to rebuild with broken pieces, both inside and out, is its own form of alchemy. One does not become an expert in anything without first being the dutiful apprentice. To create something that endures, one must rely on firsthand experiences that slowly form the artist’s talent and style from within. So, the Universe gives me courses in life lessons that allow me to practice. Each one crafted to level up my skills, relentlessly.
The divine essence that lives within speaks to us all if we listen. I have learned to move in silence, wisely conserving my energy. Time is all we have and how I spend it shows the Universe where I am invested. It took many laborious lessons and decades before I learned to monitor my own energy bank and build firm boundaries. Intentionally directing my time and energy inward for my own use; instead of scattered willy nilly among those who will greedily siphon it until it is empty.
Trusting my instincts as guideposts is not for the faint of heart. Becoming an Architect of Uncertainty requires trial and error, lessons learned through collapse, and the courage to sift through rubble for treasures of wisdom. Instinct tells me I will need those fragments again.
My instinct for alchemy is not born from reading clever quotes found online. My intuition was forged in the dark, painful fire from which my personal phoenix has risen— so exquisite I know I inevitably risk entrapment again if I am not vigilant. Navigating uncertainty of the future is guided by trusting in my intuition and the divine downloads that lead me toward action.
Since I came into this world, I have been considering how I was born and raised Feral. Clutching wild untamable energy so tightly even the Universe let me live a semi-Feral free-range life. Never truly nurtured and protected set free to roam. Wisdom of time shows me purpose of my past. Youthful innocence seeking love and affection I was easily lured into dangerous underworld of lessons nobody wants to learn.
It was through these experiences and a lifetime of enduring violations of boundaries. And a couple attempts of others doing my best to break my spirit so completely that nearly snuffed me out. I now contain a remarkable, vastly contrasting and poetically beautiful duality that comes with heavy lessons.
I find my life has been a bit relatable to the story of Persephone the Greek Goddess of Spring, and innocence, who eventually became the Queen of the Underworld, transformation, duality, and resilience. Relatable because like many people who walk around looking fine on the outside… I do not look like what I have been through.
I am simultaneously soft and stern, sweet and sour. Miraculously my heart remains open because I have learned to find beauty even in pain and keep my light safe in the darkness. I am open because now I can trust myself. Instinctive boundaries built from persistent practice of my lifelong apprenticeship means I am now capable of self-defense in many forms. Yet, I just look like me.
Pain has become a familiar companion of being forged and constructed in fire so often that my metaphorical wings themselves are made of powerful flames. The fire in me recognizes and honor the fire in you instantly. It feels comfortable, even safe, and exciting, because the familiar burn is less terrifying than opening the forbidden door to freedom and self-love. It is not how it looks on the outside. Nothing ever is. This is where my truth resides.
Harnessing the energy of the unknown safely is in the transformation of my own vibrations. Transmuting the circumstances where like attracts like. Commanding that I select the company I keep with the ruthless integrity of my spirits inner knowing. Now, more often than not. I prefer to be alone. I will not slow down my growth for anyone. Catch up or fall off.
Alchemizing uncertainty demands deep internal mining. It means trudging through the heavy weight of defeat, searching for nuggets of golden discernment hidden within. It means tapping into the divinely guided architect of my spirit— finding value in even the smallest diamonds, compressed over years of struggle and determination, mined from the deepest darkest depths of my soul.
Compelled by a mystical force inside endlessly searching for a sacred space that honors my duality and my magic. The magician within me, instinctively cementing treasures back together while knowing that no matter how much gold and grit I gather to rebuild my life; nothing is permanent and the tower will eventually fall again.
The artistic architect within me seems to have a merciless sense of humor and intense drive to continuously re-create myself. Each death and rebirth of my soul has brought to fruition an inner truth. Always reiterating my life path is about how gracefully I go about the journey of gathering gold and making diamonds rather than arriving at the destination on time. Many times, I don’t reach my destination or my goals. The journey never looks the way I thought it would and while learning to trust in that.
The hardest work as the architect of my life is manifesting my prayers and dreams into reality. It comes when I am forced to step into the unknown. Reminding me that I do not need to know how it ends, where it goes, and who is going to be there. I just need to feel my feelings and trust myself. Fully believing that even when I feel as if I am blindfolded in a trust fall into the arms of the Universe… I am certain I will land on my feet.
Though I feel feral, have been abused, abandoned, betrayed by those who were supposed to love me the most. It has been exhausting continually seeking to design a life that feels like joyful contentment, safety, and freedom on my own.
The infinite love I somehow have the strength to carry inside needs a place to be set down. Yearning for a sacred safe space for it to be shared. Searching for the kind of wholeness I long to experience at least once in this lifetime.
So, with a deep desire for respite and rest. I know me and inevitably this longing for love will find me rebuilding another tower of confinement cloaked in the illusion of security and stability. Where eventually it becomes painfully clear that after all the time and effort, I spent rebuilding yet another beautiful life. Eventually the same yearning for freedom will ignite my flaming wings of feral fire that will burn it all down.
Intuitively knowing that once again it will be time to set myself free in order to stay authentically me. The apprentice architect of uncertainty that holds no regrets because I have now learned it was always about the journey.
Figuring out how to balance the light and the dark within. Alchemizing through a sacred and soulful reckoning of my own duality. To unconditionally love myself and heal the feral innocence within that seeks safety in cages.
Like, an older sister, Stacy leads by example; and a great one at that. My Adventure Sister confidently dances to the beat of her own drum. She brings out the magic in most everyone she meets. I really love that about her! She’s inspired me to share mine with you too.
I had reservations about writing on pendulums and magic. Then this morning I saw a Grackle at the bird feeder. This is not a bird that shows up regularly at my house. So of course I looked it up.
According to the interwebs Grackle has multiple meanings, the ones that rang true to me where; When Grackle shows up it’s a sign of good fortune, and spiritual protection. YAY! Some Indigenous traditions call it the Firebird and believe it carries the power of a phoenix – which brings the message of rebirth and resurrection. Yay!????
Since Grackles are known for their loud calls it’s a sign to courageously speak up for yourself. Be brave and speak your truth. It is my intention that sharing my stories of life lessons will somehow inspire others to see beauty even in the mishaps.
On the journey of life. I have constructed an eclectic spiritual belief system. Through trial and error and a dedicated practice of yogic principles. I’ve learned to trust my inner knowing. Mediation helps me to tune into the life force that animates the world. And helps me to pay attention to signs sent by the Universal Consciousness. I call it Higher Power, Spirit, Creation, or The Universe. Some call it God.
Yep. I worship the Earth; I think just maybe… Our planet is mankind’s community Garden of Eden. A gift we’ve been given to care for. It provides all we need to survive, stars, and aurora borealis to boot, it’s truly a miracle. Its ecological systems are so interconnected that not one event doesn’t influence another. (The Butterfly Effect)
How we act, treat each other, respect nature or not, absolutely comes full circle. I am a live and let live kind of girl. I believe thoughts become things, revealing our individual lived experiences. (What do you think about all day?!) And that Setting an intention is no different than praying.
I believe ‘magic’ is just being conscious of the energy I contribute to the web of life that connects it all together. By doing so I get to co-create with the energy of the cosmos, and the spiritual elements that surround us. There is no definition to my spiritual practice and there doesn’t have to be.
Either way, I think it’s important to accept that we all have different beliefs. While allowing others the freedoms to practice theirs, even if you don’t agree. In my opinion, it would be super cool if we all just followed the golden rule.
So, if I want to call on my inner earth worshipping sorceress I will!
Why not call on the healing element of water to help me flow with ease through the rocky rapids that pop up on my journey? Why not ask the wisdom of the wind to transport creative ideas into my awareness or carry my prayers to the Higher Power?
I know how to tap into the grounding stability of earth energy so I can sit down, focus and write about the thoughts I just asked for. What if I called on the transformative energy of fire to transmute painful life experience into lessons through joy too?
Maybe the Grackle/Fire bird was telling me to be brave enough to share my magical nature with others. So, they will feel free to do so too. It’s what Stacy did for me, and she made it so much fun! She exuded joyful confidence, which made me feel safe in doing the same. I love sharing stories of our magical friendship with you!
We started using Pendulums when planning our adventures in January. We would lay out the map and ask the pendulum to guide us where to go. I’d dangle it over an entry point number on the map, then watch what it says.
Sometimes it would just hang there and do nothing. That means move on. If it went counterclockwise, we took that as a sign it was not the place for us. When it started to circle Clockwise is a good indicator that was the entry point, we should plan for. We would even ask the pendulum which campsite was the best.
We are very earthy girls, feeling vibes, trusting signs, and when necessary, putting up boundaries. On the second BWCA adventure, we brought several pendulums. Each held colorful stones that signified the four directions North, South, East and West. With the intention to hang them from the trees to create an energetic circle of protection. When we arrived at camp the sun was high in the sky, so we used Stacy’s compass to identify the directions.
Thanking the trees for their assistance in holding the pendulums. We started in the North, the direction associated with the Earth element. Fertile and steady, earth is associated with the Goddess/Feminine energy. The stone hanging from the pendulum was made of green Jade. We thanked the spirit of the north for sharing nurturing guidance during our visit.
Circling clockwise we headed to the East to find a suitable station for the Pendulum associated with Air. We chose a white crystal quarts stone to represent prana, life force/breath. East and the element of air are associated with communication, wisdom, and intellect. We thanked them both for their assistance in carrying your intentions/prayers to Spirit.
Heading clockwise to the South we hung a pendulum made of a red stone to symbolize the element of fire. Fire has the masculine energy of the Sun. Connected to strong will and force. Fire is purifying. It creates and destroys, flames can heal and warm, or bring about new life by abolishing the old and worn. We thanked the spirit of the south and fire for the transformation that it would bring us.
Circling around to the West to hang a pendulum made of light blue stone. West is the direction associated with the element of Water. The healing nurturing womb of creation we all come from. Nothing can survive without water. Water is a feminine energy frequently associated with healing, cleansing, and purification, (holy water) it is correlated with flow of emotion.
To complete the circle of protection we continued clockwise to the North again to close the circle. We give thanks, and gratitude to the Universe for hearing our intentions of healing and protection. Protection against what we did not need to know… the forces that be, will surely take care of us now!
We did a second loop with a tiny sprinkle of black salt to solidify the intention of protection. And at that, our circle of protection was up and running. (Please take it easy with the salt if in nature, mother nature is not a big fan. It’s the intention, not the amount that counts.)
This is the campsite which housed us while we recovered from Billy Goat Portage. We had been so sore and eager to set up our camp that we had made another rookie mistake. One the circle of protection couldn’t protect us from experiencing. We had set up our tent on a semi flat clearing just at the base of a hill. The view was great, and it was in between the cooking grate and the pit potty trail.
We thought nothing of it as we set up cots under a tarp in a separate area of the very large campsite. The wind was picking up, and the night cooling down, so we went to bed early only to wake up a few hours later to 2-3” of rainwater in the bottom of our tent. Water drenched everything in it including us. I woke up very cold, and so exhausted I couldn’t think straight. I was already depleted from the adventures of the day. All I could do was sit on a cot hoping not to die in this misery.
Thankfully Stacy found me and knew exactly what to do to stop that from happening. Now you’re thinking that maybe our circle of protection didn’t protect us at all. But I believe it did. Having someone there who knew how to recognize hypothermia instead of diagnosing me as safe, just soggy suffering… did save me from getting very ill.
The circle of protection didn’t stop this from happening, but it did send me the help and support I needed. Not only with this experience but with the friendship Stacy and I have created. This makes me see that our circle of friends and family provide energetic and emotional protection as well.
The ones that see you suffering and come to your aid. Helping you in the way that they know best. Sometimes with expert nursing skills, other times sharing wisdom or a compassionate ear. These people, and sometimes even our beloved pets create your circle of protection in everyday life.
Sometimes when you call on the elements, they send you what you need, not what you want. Just like mother nature knows when it’s time to water her gardens and it happens to be on your wedding day. It all ends up okay. Some of the best conversations and laughs happen when it rains.
Like Jack Pines, which in my opinion are the coolest trees will only grow only after the seeds in its pinecone have been released by heat, usually a wildfire. Some people also need these kinds of interventions to support transformations. Nature is magical. Humans are encompassed in the natural world.
By realizing we have the ability to shift our energy/thoughts helps us take responsibility for the life force that resides in all of us. We had set the intention to stay safe. The Universe agreed but, in its intelligence, knew it was not going to let us skip out on the experiences that bonded our friendship with trust. Then got me to the gym. 😉
The beauty of Universal forces holds wisdom of divine timing. It orchestrates synchronistic events and meetings that deliver us to our destiny. Just like magic.
No pendulums needed.
Sending big love and many blessings,
Emy Minzel
Heart Centered, Nature Lover, Writer, Advocate, Adventurer, Yogi, and so much more…
On the 2nd trip to the BWCA, Stacy and I had been calling in adventure! Excited by how transformational last year was. We were thrilled to go back for more lessons. Craving excitement we spent a lot of time planning the next “Great Adventure into the Wilderness”.
This book is about lessons through joy; I can honestly say that this 2nd BWCA Adventure was not always joyful. I realize now that somewhere along the way. I had conditioned myself to believe the only way I learn a lesson was the “hard way”. Maybe this is why I was asking for hard games??? Silly girl.
This journey would help me rewire this programming… the hard way.
The second year we had packed a cooler with wheels. When we got to the outfitter, they told us wheels of any sort were not allowed in the BWCA.
He then said “It really won’t matter if you had wheels on that portage anyways. The trail is just too rough and uneven.”
Stacy and I looked at each other and asked, “how are we going to bring our food along?”
He said, “No problem, we have a pack for that.” Then disappeared into the back room. Coming back with a big army green soft sided backpack cooler. “If you want to keep it cold, I recommend you go across the street and get some dry ice too.”
That’s what we did. We came back with 6lbs of dry ice and proceeded to empty the contents of our roller cooler into the backpack cooler.
I had frozen water bottles because hot tea is sometimes not appetizing on a warm summer day. And lake water tastes like lake. I had chopped and packed a whole lot of veggies and a large container of watermelon, for hydration. 5lbs of potatoes, some orange juice, a box of wine and a whole lot of miscellaneous grocery items.
The people at the outfitters were kind of giving us the side eye. Looking at each other with their eyebrows up. Did they know we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into? Yes… yes, they did.
Yet we assured them. More than once mind you. That we knew it was going to several trips to portage, but we were ok with it. (Insert hindsight facepalm here!) They politely let us carry on emptying our cooler into the insulated portage pack. Then went up to the bunk house to rest up for our 5am departure.
In the bunk house we shared the main quarters with a group of men. We had our own bunkbed bedroom as did they. They were very polite upon introduction. We went to bed early and they left. A few hours later they came back to the bunkhouse tipsy. One of the men hopped on the bunk located on the other side of the wall we shared. CREEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!!! EEEK!!! EEEK!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEAAAAK!!!
For the next 2 hours the bed creaked and squeaked each time he even blinked. He continued to perform the Olympic version of bunkbed fancy flip flop. A little-known bounce house boing and roll sleeping technique. A method reminiscent of a rotisserie chicken style performed with panache and sound effects flair.
I lay there praying for him to fall asleep or at the very least, stop moving every 2 minutes for the sake of my sanity. “Ugh… my dude… It’s 2:30am now and we gotta be up in 90 minutes. For the love of Pete…. pleeeeeease sleep.”
I was about to lose my cool then finally he got tired of performing. At last, he got up and crawled into a different bunkbed that was not nearly as obnoxious. I slept lightly doing my best to get at least a little bit of rest. When the alarm went off at 4:00am we showered and packed up. Stepping out into the cool predawn morning at 4:45am closing the door behind us. I hope they got more sleep than we did that night.
Time to go! We were so stoked about this Adventure that nothing was going to get us down. We waited for the shuttle van at 5am, tea in our thermoses and a black bean brownie muffin my mom had made in our bellies. Excitement filled the air as we chatted with our driver Lawrence. He was also a guide and helped with BWCA rescues. He had lots of stories to share, we listened intently learning more about this ruggedly beautiful yet sometimes dangerous wilderness.
We pulled into the entry point. There is nothing better than being dropped off at 5:30am when the sun is coming up and hopping right into the canoe and on the calm lake kissed by the morning mist. That was not going to happen this time. The trip was going to start with a portage.
The driver pulled up the parking lot and pulled our supplies out of the trailer. Pointing down a tall grass lined path he declared. “The first portage out to the water is that way.”
“O.K! Thanks!” We tipped him and waved as he hopped back into the van to leave.
This Adventure we had planned was to include 6 or 7 portages. When the outfitter drops you off in the middle of nowhere, really your only option is to GO!
Car loaded with all the cargo we needed to portage.
By the time we got all our packs to the first water way, it had taken us 3 trips each. The 2 cots weighed 20 pounds apiece and the stuck out the opening on each side of one of the packs. We were able to team lift the food cooler pack on this trail while confirming this was going to be a long hard haul…
Still neither of us were discouraged. It was early morning, and we were bright eyed and roaring to go. We had planned on this hard work, claiming our comfort came first! We loaded up our freight into the canoe for the first time. Pushing it out to test float the balance it was nice and level. Though we were quite certain the canoe was at its weight capacity once we climbed in.
The first paddle to the second portage was very peaceful and picturesque. Reeds and wild grasses towered over our heads. The river way was very shallow; the water clean and clear enough to see little fish swimming all around. Occasionally a boulder barricade would imitate a speed bump and slow us down. We would have to hop out of the canoe standing on the giant rocks to carefully steer our cargo ship/canoe around them.
Just before the shallow river way opened to the lake. We came to a beaver dam. As we were crossing over it, I was standing on top, guiding the canoe and hurdling the strong structure.
Crossing my fingers and sending prayers that my foot wouldn’t fall through into to the beaver’s living room. The story my imagination made up was. After my foot poked through it roof. The upset beaver would then of course promptly chew my leg off, for breaking and entering!
Anyone else have a fun imagination too? Stacy giggled at the story I told while navigating over the sturdy den.
What a cool experience! This was already an adventure and we’ve only just begun!
The next leg of the journey was a peaceful 1-mile paddle on a long narrow lake. Intuitively paddling slowly to enjoy a beautiful sunrise service. There was mist at the edge of where the water meets the forest. The surface of the lake reflected diamond like sparkles courtesy of the orange sun guiding in a new day.
I tell people. “It’s where God lives.” Because this is where I can feel spirit the most.
That morning felt as if ‘God’s country’ had a choir and was singing us a personalized sermon. We paddled silently absorbing this moment. It felt as if Creation herself showed up just to say. “Hello ladies! Welcome home.” I felt my soul let out an audible exhale of relief to finally be back.
As we paddled on until we came another new experience. There were boulders under the canoe, and they were humongous! We would have to be very careful navigating slowly through them. At times having to both get out of the canoe. Stand on the boulders and push the canoe over or in between to pass.
My intuition told me the boulders were alive with sentience. The oldest beings of creation. I can’t help but believe that these Ancient Stone Spirits supported us on our journey.
At last, the water ran shallow, and we were at the 3rd portage. On the map it looks tiny, less than a quarter mile, totally no big deal. Trails on these maps are quiet deceiving. This was an obstacle course with steep inclines and even more steep drops going back down. The shoreline was made of extra-large jagged edged stones that shifted when you stepped on them. We had to navigate at this portage carefully so as not to twist an ankle. We could have easily gotten hurt trekking through this wobble stone agility test.
We set to work bracing for another 3 portages each carrying something big and heavy. Stacy seemed to like to carry the canoe first. We concluded after the previous portage she couldn’t carry the canoe while I carried the food. Because the food pack was so heavy I needed assistance. When possible, to walk side by side, we would carry it together. That was a rare occasion this year.
Luckily for us the Gods up above were offering a little help. Just ahead there were a group of men coming back toward us going the opposite direction.
Deciding we better survey the situation before tackling the heavy baggage. We portaged the ‘lightest’ packs weighing no less than 50lbs and our oars. We hiked until we found water. The men we ran into had light gear like most do. Some of them made navigating this jagged optical course of impending broken bones look like it was a cake walk.
The oldest of the men sounded as if he had a southern accent and surveyed us quickly. “How are you ladies doing today?!”
“We are great and yourself?” I offered with a smile.
“Do you mind if we grab something and help you?” He replied. Without waiting for an answer, he hollered. “Fellas! You guys run up a head and grab their thangs, help these lovely ladies out!”
Before we knew it, he had grabbed the canoe. The other hikers grabbed the rest of our comforts and “necessities”. Setting our packs on the wiggling rocks. Just far enough away from the canoe in the lake so they wouldn’t get wet.
Looking back, I wonder if they thought there was a dead body in that cooler pack. It was crazy heavy. We thanked them all profusely for their chivalry as they left us in their dust.
Already starting to get hungry and fatigued muscles. We celebrated our luck by being very grateful. Carrying each bag together trying not to trip the other or get hurt on the slanted, shuffling razor-edged rocks. Carefully we got the canoe loaded and shoved off to the next portion of the journey. Which seemed to come up in to time at all. Just a few minutes later we got to the 4th portage.
It was going to be the longest portage of the trip. I tried not to complain. After all, Stacy was carrying the canoe and heavy packs too! Neither of us was slacking in the portaging department. But when we pulled up and saw a staircase of rocks going 40 feet up at a steep angle. I tried to fend off a mild panic attack.
My inner child wanted to stomp and throw a fit. “I don’t wanna and you can’t make me.”
We decided this would be a good time to take a break resting and eating more breakfast muffins. We needed to refuel and rehydrate. It was now late morning, and the day was warming up. After our “2nd breakfast” we weren’t going to dilly dally we had places to go. Fairy Lake was waiting for us!
We put the lightest portage packs on and headed up the stone staircase to investigate the long portage. Follow the winding narrow path upwards. “I’m already beginning to feel the burn.” I commented.
Stacy was just ahead of me and was starting to feel some fatigue too. “Mind over matter, we can do this, we ARE doing this.” She said over her shoulder.
“Right!” I said.
This path was paved with haphazard stones jutting out at random. Seemingly at just the right spacing so that you couldn’t keep a steady pace. I had to be fully present. Observing where to put each foot next so I didn’t trip. Adding to the atmosphere there was a steep drop off descending down the mountain we were climbing. Only a foot or so off the path.
Keeping my gaze down and my focus on my red water sandals. I tried to take brief looks at the geographical beauty around us. We didn’t talk much because we had to focus. This trail seemed to keep going up, then we would have to go down to go back up again. Even with our lightest packs this portage was long and hard as hell!
Just when you think the end of the lane is just ahead. Low and behold it is only an illusion my friend. We had to keep going. Up and down. Then up and down some more. Dodging low hanging branches snagged our full-size fishing pole lines that stuck out of one of the packs. We had large cots sticking out each side one portage pack. We came to a narrow corridor stone mountain face on each side. Cots bashing into the stone back and forth with each step as we made our way through. I laugh out loud at this memory. (Insert yet another facepalm moment!)
About 30 minutes later we see water! “Yay! We made it!” Stacy celebrated our achievement as we set our first load down. We gave each other a high five and turned around empty handed to grab another load of baggage.
This time we took in the scenery a little more, unencumbered by the weight of our necessities. I really enjoyed the jaunts back, although we still had to be diligent and very careful with our footing. This trail was tricky, and at times very scary.
Ugh… Here we were at the beginning already. Our pile of stuff still looking extremely heavy. When we started that morning Stacy estimated that the cooler pack weighed at least 100lbs!
It took two of us to lift it onto a tall rock. When it was elevated enough, I could crouch down to slip my arms into the straps. Slowly I stood lifting its weight my back, buckling the waist strap around my middle for more support. I had to walk slowly and bent over while carrying it. It never even crossed our minds when packing that one person would have to carry this load. We were the Queens of teamwork.
I am 5 feet nothin’ and at this exact time in my life, I was not “in shape”. I was carrying well over half my body weight on my back. At least the cooler never complained when I fell over or had to drop it. Saying a prayer to Mercury the God of transportation for swift movements. Maybe Pan the Goat God of the forest would bless me with graceful footing. Praying for help as I ascended the staircase again.
“Goodness sakes! Stace, I’m going to need some help.” I exclaimed, trying not to panic.
We had only just begun, and I was falling backward, forwards and sideways from the burdensome weight on my back. I thought my legs were burning before! Ha!
I felt clumsy trying to gain control of this unyielding bulk on my body. Many, many times Stacy had to push up on the pack from behind, so I made it up the pathway. If she would accidentally help too much, I would easily fall over in random direction.
“What have we gotten ourselves into?!” I asked, only a short way into the trek. “Would you like me to try to carry it?” Stacy offered.
I tried to reassure us both. “No, I got it.” I said. While simultaneously falling over and almost down the side of the mountain. This was a scary moment for both of us!
Reacting quickly and saving me from what would surely be a painful steep tumble. Stacy grabbed the pack with all her strength, pulling me back to the safety of the trail.
Muscle fatigue had set in challenging my whole body, my legs wanted to give out. I truly had not been physically nor mentally prepared for what we were doing.
I was embarrassed about falling and then I got mad. I thought to myself. “You can and you will do this.” And with a little help from my friend, I did. My thoughts changed from being annoyed, that I had to watch my footing so intently. To considering it was a blessing. For it gave me something to think of besides this beastly burden on my back.
Many thoughts ran through my head, as we journeyed up, up, up, down, up, down. Sometimes falling up the boulders I was trying to climb. This trail experience happened to me for a reason. I contemplated why as we hiked in silence.
Clearly the Universe was telling me to keep focus on what was right in front of me. If you look too far ahead, I get distracted, look too far ahead, I will lose focus, fall off the path. It sounded right at the time. As I was concerned about having to restart my business after moving to another city just a few months before.
This was not the complete life lesson taught by Billy goat Portage. But learning to keep my focus and continue putting one foot in front of the other; has been a repeat lesson over the years.
At last reached the end of Billy Goat Trail. Whew! Finding a taller boulder, I sat it down and unbuckled the cooler pack with a sign of relief. I felt 100 pounds lighter. After a short pause for a water break, we headed back for our last portage pack and the canoe. I was afraid if I sat down, I wouldn’t get back up to continue on.
“Let’s DO this!” I said as we headed UP the path for the final fourth lap. This time it felt much easier than the first two trips.
I never in my life have done something as adventurous, that dangerous, or that physically challenging. Pushing myself to the point of exhaustion, muscles shaking with fatigue… I had very much proven to myself what I was capable of. I was far from the pillar of health at this time. Billy Goat Portage was the initiation I needed. It led to the desire to reclaim my health. It showed me how capable I truly was.
After this death-defying feat, we still had another 4-mile paddle to get to our next destination. We paddled those 4 miles taking our sweet time, staying close to shore on the large lake. We finally reached the cove in which our next portage was supposed to be. We paddled back and forth for almost an hour, even shoring up the canoe to climb a hill in search of this mysterious missing portage. Which we couldn’t find the entry point for the life of us!
After a while we concluded we were both too fatigued to go on anyways. It would be best to find a place to camp before we both expired from exhaustion. We found an open campsite almost immediately. It was the large “5 star” rated campsite the Guide at the outfitter told us about last night. We had dismissed his suggestion because we had plans to keep going. Was that coincidence? I think not.
As soon as we saw the campsite a wave of relief flooded my nervous system. We were so very sore from that journey and needed to be done for the day. Our bodies needed nourishment and nurturing. After eating we decided to soak our aching muscles in the lake to cool them down. The lake was cold, but I have no doubt in mind that if we were to opt out of some cold-water hydrotherapy; I would not have been able to move for the whole entire week.
In the end we got the adventure we were calling in that year! Although it didn’t come in a way we expected it. The definition of adventure says there must be elements of danger in the experience to be called an ‘adventure’.
I’d say hurdling a beaver dam and navigating an obstacle course made of razor-sharp shifting rocks. Experiencing Billy goat portage 4 times and almost falling down a mountain side wearing a 100-pound backpack. Then waking up in the middle of the night soaking wet in a flooded tent and on the brink of hypothermia would qualify for danger. Don’t you?
Yet, without this challenge I would have never started my journey back to wellness. Something had changed deep inside me after that. I realized I was not doing my body any favors by going so easy on myself. My muscles were weak, my balance off, and my joints achy. We had spent our whole BWCA vacation resting and recuperating our battered bodies, preparing for the return journey.
After we got home; instead of going back to my old routine consisting of an abundance of couch and TV time. I started using my gym membership, challenging myself physically for the entire next year. Instead of TV I started to write. I consistently challenging myself, leveling up in life and on the elliptical. This led to jogging on the treadmill. Which turned to running and then weight training.
I was determined to prepare myself for the 2015 BWCA trip. I wasn’t going to be caught off guard again, no Siree!
As I write this. We just returned home from the 2015 BWCA adventure about a week ago. Where I learned the Universe has a wonderful sense of humor. Because this year; we didn’t portage. Not even once.
This lesson taught me how strong I really was. How capable I am when I truly focused. Gaining the desire and determination to maintain wellness has been a blessing in many ways.
This experience started the journey to a healthier version of me. The me I want to be. I want to be active and able to do all the adventuring I desire as I get older. Staying strong and fit is a necessary component to making that possible. Especially as I age.
Over the years I have completed 500hours of yoga training and I am a Certified Yoga Teacher. My thoughts on exercise have transformed to gratitude. I love to be active; I love moving my body, and I am grateful for all it can do. I am always thanking my body for what it does for me. “Thank you, body for doing what I ask you to do. Today and every day. I appreciate you.”
I thank myself for the will and focus to continue moving in healthy ways. After all, my subconscious can hear me. And I am purposely reprogramming my beliefs and requesting easier games now!
Although this was a lesson that felt like it was taught “the hard way”. I now know it was a gift of realignment back to wellness. Which brings me gratitude and great joy!
Wishing you big love and many blessings,
Emy Minzel
Heart Centered, Nature Lover, Writer, Advocate, Adventurer, Yogi, and so much more…
Early one morning on our first Boundary Waters Canoe Area adventure. We were sitting on the boulder beach in our camp chairs having tea. I highly recommend bringing tea and honey if you are going to be drinking the BWCA lake water. The water is safe to drink after you boil it. Although it is pristine, it still has a lake flavor. Tea helps cover the taste quite well.
Tea is a lovely analogy to portray the lessons of our adventures. Stacy and I decided to challenge ourselves. By venturing into metaphorical ‘hot water’ situations. We showed ourselves and each other what we are made of. We recognized our tenacity, our will to succeed, encouraging each other to be authentically ourselves the whole way.
We enjoy supporting each other’s skills and differences. Like tea, we had let our best selves steep and flow in these challenges. We allowed the delicious blend of personality and talent to brew into cup fulling spiritual experiences. Which has allowed for this fairly new friendship to grow into a loving sisterhood over time.
So here we were vibing, observing nature like it’s our favorite TV program. Engrossed in a morning meditation of allowing stillness. The music of nature soothed our spirits and calmed the nervous system.
We heard beautiful birds’ songs, occasional beaver splashing or fish jumping, a faint comforting roar from the small waterfall just south of our campsite. This is what I miss most when I leave; the sound of pure uninterrupted nature; the sound of peace.
We were enjoying the moment of being one with nature when I spotted a giant animal swimming in the lake. It was moving fast! I ran to get my binoculars and zoomed in closer. Even with binoculars it was hard to be sure what it was. It looked like two huge rabbit ears flowing quickly through the water.
“What is that?!” I asked Stacy and handed her the binoculars.
She looked and shrugged, unable to decipher. We had to wait until it got closer.
“It looks like a cow or something… oh! It’s a moose! Do moose swim?!” She handed me the binoculars back to validate her findings.
Now that it was closer I saw that it was a moose. Clearly, they DO swim. Turns out they are exceptionally good swimmers as she was demonstrating! The moose was moving swiftly for such a large animal.
“How cool is that!” I grinned wide as Stacy. I was impressed and psyched to have seen a swimming moose in real life.
“Let’s go get the Animal Spirit Guide, book! To see what message the moose is sending us!” Stacy said as she got up to grab it out of the tent.
Stacy and I believe that The Universe or God/Spirit, insert whatever you prefer to call a higher power. We believe it sends us messages all the time if we are present enough to see them and listen. For instance. Often observing an animal, you don’t see every day is a sign/message from the heavens just for you! We wanted to know what messages the moose was delivering this morning.
We looked up Moose in the Animal Spirit Guide, book by Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D. It said. ‘If a Moose shows up, it means you should feel proud of your recent accomplishment and share them eagerly, not to be arrogant, do it for the humble joy of sharing. It’s important to encourage others with their dreams and vision and by supporting their triumphs.’
In this book it also gives ideas to talk to the moose spirit when you are feeling extremely self-critical and need to remind yourself of your good qualities. There were more meanings in the book, but these are the ones that rang true to me at this time.
That’s how intuition works, when you receive a sign and investigate the meanings, some information won’t resonate, and some will. Use discernment to keep the things that ring true and dismiss what doesn’t. The Universe doesn’t have actual words, so you have to decipher it.
All the messages the moose had to share were comforting and confirming. I WAS very proud of myself for getting off the couch and out of my comfort zone for this trip. I have always loved nature but had fallen into the daily grind of life, like ground hog day repeating itself. I had lost touch with the true purpose of living life.
From my previous chapter on canoe tipping and the portage to nowhere. The message ‘not to be arrogant’ had just been confirmed. Don’t arrogantly ask the Universe hard games… you’ll get them! Take it easy, share joy. Share your accomplishments with humble encouragement. This is exactly the main intention of writing this book and sharing our stories.
The moose hit the nail on the head with excessively self-critical thoughts. I am 4’ 11 1/2 ” and I had gained more weight than I preferred at the time. It was time to care for myself with kindness. (This lesson has taken me too long to fully incorporate and that’s another book all in itself!)
It was time for me to acknowledge that if I don’t love and care for myself, how can I expect anyone else to love me or treat me better than I treated me? I was the one setting the standard here.
Stacy and I processed this message together as we drank more tea.
She commented. “This is so true! I would never allow someone to talk to me the way I talk to myself at times… Would, you allow someone to treat you the way YOU treat you somedays?”
Referring to how our inner dialogue is not always kind, especially for ourselves. I know that I am very critical of me. Yet, if someone talked to me the way I was talking to myself. Saying the judgmental harsh commentary running in my head out loud. I would think “those are fighting words”.
We talked about how we are very hard on ourselves and sometimes other people too. The conversation led to being judgmental of women and judged by them as well. How we need to lift each other up and encourage women to stand together.
We wished that we could all see that we do not have to be in competition. That we all have unique skills and talents that if we cooperated would make magic. Strong confident women that know there is enough success for all of us to go around.
Putting each other down, talking smack about how someone looks in those pants, or “OMG can you believe they just did that?!” This kind of energy isn’t helping anyone. We can unlearn this behavior.
What I have learned is gossiping about others doesn’t make you feel better. What it does is show others you can’t be trusted and will do the same to them.
How is this any different if we are commenting on ourselves? Our subconscious and self-esteem hear our inner dialogue. Our subconscious thoughts form our habits and beliefs! Ope.
I believe most of us do the best we can in the time and circumstances we are in. Including me! I have learned that ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves the whole world blind. Unable to see all the love and support that can be found beyond that relationship.
What if we just observed when we are judging or are being hard on ourselves or others? Then asked ourselves more questions to process and release those negative thoughts.
Would I give others in my situation more compassion than I am allowing for myself? If so, why?
What would I say to my best friends going through this same thing? What if I allowed myself the same grace? How would that change the way I feel about it?
Life is hard enough as it is. I’ve learned the energy I put out in the Universe is what is going to come back to me. What do I want to be returned? If you want others to support you with love and loyalty, do the same for them.
Girl Power is a real live energy! I’ve learned to embrace the power in divine feminine co-creation. I find joy being around the energy of the wonderful women in my life. They have a nurturing vibe, full open hearts, and share their stories of wisdom that lift my spirit and fill my cup.
The solution I came to, is treat myself like I treat my best friends. If necessary, I will deflect my own mean judgements or stories that bring me down. I will do better to be kind to me.
Words have power. That’s why they call it ‘spelling’. What energy are you sending when speaking or thinking of yourself or others?
Learning that my thoughts become things. Being more kind and encouraging, learning to be humble in all areas of my life. These lessons have all rolled together into a massive personal transformation over the years.
Digging deep into the divine guidance being delivered. Contemplating the unpleasantness of some of these lessons learned through relationships, careers, actions, consequences of paths taken. Seeing them as ‘life lessons’ and learning opportunities instead of things that just happened to me.
This has helped me become more the me I want to be. The me that does the inner work of transmuting failures into wisdom. Trauma into tenderness.
While I did not come up with this revolution at the exact Moose viewing moment. It has led to where I am today. These BWCA adventures kickstarted a revolution of my whole life for the better. I get to decide what it means to be “better” nobody else. Same goes for you.
I’ve learned it’s self-love when I allow myself to walk away from connections that do not value and respect me. These were the hardest lessons to learn. Not easy or joyful at all. I am healing by loving myself enough to stop allowing that behavior. Especially from myself.
In the long run I had to learn from taking those emotional hits. I knew I had to find the lesson and transform them into wisdom. It’s taught me to forgive myself for putting up with unkindness. Even realizing I had to forgive myself for the negative things I told and believed about myself. I saw that I can forgive others as it was their part in teaching this lesson as well.
From the lessons guided by the animal spirits that show up for me repeatedly. The spiral of life seems to keep me coming back around to acknowledge these teachings even more deeply year after year. A persistent continuing education of life curriculums.
Watching that moose swim across the lake was a cool experience! I will cherish the memory and the message. I feel that way about all our BWCA trips. At times words fall short of accurately describing the changes that have occurred in my mind, my body and spirit. It’s difficult to truly capture the depth of my internal changes.
Taking time for introspection inspired me to share these stories of our experiences. Contributing to a new perspective on how I was going through life. I feel my soul is soothed by seeing that all these experiences do make sense years later in the journey of my life.
I don’t know what the future brings. What I do know. History has shown me that I can trust the path. I have every intention of enjoying that feeling of faith in each phase of my life. These stories have proven to me that everything is always working out as it should.
So, I will continue to follow the signs and trust my inner knowing. As long as I remember to ask the Universe for easier life experiences full of joyful adventures, supportive kind connections and love!
With much love,
Emy Minzel
Heart Centered, Nature Lover, Writer, Advocate, Adventurer, Yogi, and so much more…
After our first portage we felt invigorated, and proud of ourselves. Something as simple as crossing an unknown path and coming out to a majestic lake atmosphere reminds me of the true meaning of life. No hustle and bustle of the daily grind, this was what the ‘real world’ supposed to be. Yet, we still had to work to do, to get where we were going.
Teamwork was a lesson that kept reoccurring in my life. Carrying the supplies together through 3 portages made light work getting to our campsite. We only had to make two trips to cross the portages the first year. Looking back, I believe it was the Universe taking it easy on us. It was the perfect trip to get me hooked and addicted to her beauty and slow flow.
We camped on Bass Lake and true to its name, it was well stocked. I remember dropping breadcrumbs at the shore of the boulder beach in the evenings watching them waiting for morsels, like my pets. I have a fondness for loons, and they were everywhere. Laughing their loony laugh in the morning, singing a lingering lullaby each night. There were loon families passing by our campsite consistently. It felt very synchronistic. At the time I was living on Loon Drive.
We let the loons guide us to fishing spots. Figuring they were the experts on knowing where the fish were. As I cast my line. Stacy said to me “Be careful honey, you don’t want to catch a loon.”
I had not even thought about that. “Oh, Geeze! … you’re right. Thank you!”
She knew me well, and my animal loving heart would have been beside myself had I snagged a loon by being careless. Not to mention it is very illegal. We love and protect the Minnesota State Bird dontchyaknow!
During one of these fishing excursions, we were catching fish left and right. We would help each other net the fish. Then take it off the hook for one another so we wouldn’t rock the boat. I caught a fish and while Stacy was leaning over the side of the boat to scoop it in the net. We both leaned a little too much and before we knew what happened the canoe was tipping over.
It felt like slow motion. I was looking at her. She was looking at me. Both of us had eyes wide as owls. There was no time for words. Stacy intuitively did what had to do at the time to keep the boat from sinking. She willingly took a header into the lake to save the boat and everything in it. SPLOOSH!
Stacy went in the drink… still the canoe was taking on water quickly. Sinking a rented canoe and our only way back to civilization is just not a good idea. I quickly leaned to the right doing my best to get the canoe level. Before we knew it, Stacy was in the water, and the canoe had about a foot of water in it.
Stacy is a Pisces; I tease her about being part mermaid because she loves to be in the water. That is one of my favorite things about our friendship. Having fun friends to play in the water with is a blessing I cherish. Thank goodness for her natural ability to swim and fortunately the water was warm that year.
I looked at her with a face full of worry. “Oh Sh**! Are you ok?!”
Still processing the surprise of being in the water she replied. “Yep, I’m good!”
The sudden aftershock of it got her giggling. As she held on to the side of the canoe and I paddled to the jagged shoreline. She was laughing the whole way. Once I knew she was ok, I started laughing too, and then we just couldn’t stop. Both giggling and laughing uncontrollably.
We had to try several times and in different locations to empty the canoe. We really did a number. Pulling the waterlogged canoe up on the steep, woody, rocky shoreline wasn’t easy. We’d try to lift the front of the canoe, then the back of it wanted to sink and take on more water…it was so darn heavy. With teamwork, we finally accomplished it; while laughing! Thankfully, we can still chuckle about this event.
Being the spiritual women we are. We are continuously looking for meaning and signs in our everyday lives. I believe Spirit doesn’t always use words to communicate. It can utilize people, places, animals, music, signs, events, etc. to get my attention. This belief has helped us grow more in tune with ourselves, each other and our connection to the Universe/Spirit.
I believe the giggling reaction was a divinely guided instinctive response… a therapeutic laugh! Our souls knew we must release the tension of that starling experience. The laughter vibrationally dispersed the energy of anxiety instead of allowing it to stay with us. I believe it was a celestial intervention so we could continue to adventure together again and with trust.
Loons are water birds. Water is connected to intuition, emotions and divine feminine energy. The message from the beautiful birds was to begin going deeper within myself. It was also a sign to start analyzing my dreams and decipher triggers that stir up big feelings.
We believe dreams we have while sleeping are our subconscious communicating with us. To this day Stacy and I will share poignant dreams texting one another to help us process the meaning of them. Acknowledging these subliminal messages has connected us deeply to trust our higher consciousness.
The prominent presence of the loon our first year was a significant sign. Guiding me to the beginning of my spiritual awakening. It was the year I was able to start doing the inner work of releasing fears, and self-limiting patterns. I took the loons advice and started diving deep into the mysteries of my soul. Learning to acknowledge my intuition and trust the guidance of my instincts deeply over the years.
Speaking of receiving signs from above… They say you get what you ask for. This rang true for me on our first BWCA Adventure. On the day we tipped the canoe; I was starting to get a little overconfident. I figured we portaged no problem, set up camp like champs, and made a fire with damp wood. We were rocking this adventure!
For some reason after completing a task I kept saying… “Does anyone know any hard games?!”
That day I got what I asked for. Yet, because I had asked a few times… the Universe kept giving.
It was still our first trip to the BWCA and the second day. We decide we wanted to adventure to the next lake over. We packed a day pack, with water and granola bars and headed south on the canoe until we saw a clear path. We paddle the canoe to shore; Stacy hiked the canoe up on her shoulders and we began hiking.
We must have walked a mile or more in portage mode. Passing a few hikers on the way. Some of them did look at us with concern and somewhat confused. But we did not know we were not on the intended trail. After a while I was starting to get suspicious that we may not be going where we thought we were headed? Stacy lowered the canoe, and we left it on the side of the path while we hiked up the trail further.
After a trek we consulted the map again, discovering we must have read it wrong. This time we saw the trail we were on was only leading to more trails. If we wanted to get to another lake, we would be hiking/portaging for quite a few more miles. We had just embarked on a long “portage to nowhere.”
As we say here in Minnesota… OPE!
Darn! We had to turn around and head back to where we came from. I was annoyed at first, thinking I could/should do better. I have been the map reader for most of the time on our trips. It’s something I enjoy and usually do well. This was our first adventure and at the time I considered it unacceptable that I let this happen.
I wasn’t perturbed because we went on a ‘portage to nowhere”. I was upset because I know how important it is to read a map correctly. It is the only way to get where you are going and back to the entry/exit points in the Boundary Waters. Google Maps won’t save you in the wilderness. Even though we always do our best to make our adventures fun, there are still very real dangers we must be aware of.
Navigating is a skill all BWCA Adventurers absolutely need to learn. I am often harder on me than anyone else would be. And I had just proven to myself that thoughts become things. I found out that was not a great idea to be asking for harder games! After that, I didn’t feel so confident taunting the Universe. It was yet another reminder the Universe is truly listening.
I learned the outcomes are better when I change my thoughts and vibe my best intentions. It has made me be more purposeful when communicating my intentions to the Universe. I can choose to change my energy by doing yoga, meditating, walking the dog, call a friend, nap… I must do absolutely everything I can to get low vibin’ energy shifted before the Universe responds in kind.
The Universe was reiterating for me to ask for what I want. Not what I don’t want. Although, the silver lining was this ‘harder game’ has made me a very conscious and cautious route planner since! Same goes for my navigating my thoughts. What you think is how you feel! How you “feel” is the vibrational energy you are tuning into the Universe with. True story.
These are great memories and hilarious experiences, thankfully. We were lucky and safe. I don’t take that protection for granted. I am grateful it was Stacy with me during these adventures and tests offered in the BWCA. We balance each other almost as steadily as the scales of justice most of the time. Working together to get through these challenges; choosing not to dwell on these mishaps, is a key ingredient in sustaining the joy of all our BWCA adventures.
Year after year, we learned we were able to trust and depend on each other. Each of us putting in our best efforts to fully support a safe and joyful journey together. We learned that we appreciated the unique skills we both brought. I can’t help but think this philosophy must ring true in my daily life.
I do my best to appreciate differences. Keep my chin up. Laugh at my blunders. If I stumble down the wrong path doesn’t mean it won’t be a good story to tell later. By choosing to be with great company and finding people who know how to be a team, and willing to carry part of the load, it was easy to enjoy the journey.
I can recognize that those bloopers we endured together helped us develop the wisdom and trust we deeply appreciate in each other now. These are the types of relationships that feed my soul and support leveling up of my spirit. I love and value my best friend and Adventure Sister Stacy very much. Which leads me to tell the Universe what I want… Yes. Thank you! More please!
Sending blessing and much love,
Emy Minzel
Heart Centered, Nature Lover, Writer, Advocate, Adventurer, Yogi, and so much more…
Emy Minzel 