What the heck?!
I believe self-analysis can be a good tool when you are working on bettering yourself or trying to improve relationships with others. I am finding my hyper self-analysis is not so helpful when used to extremes. When I am second guessing my every movement, word or belief it is not helpful but harmful. Over thinking stunts my growth and my ability to move forward in my life, censoring myself because of fear.
Let’s take campaigning for instance. I knew, that when I decided to run for office, that my every thought and word were going to be analyzed or questioned. I knew I would be the subject of interviews, surprise pop quizzes on the street and random meetings to discuss my intent. Originally, this did not concern me. I have an opinion on just about everything like most people in the world, just ask me.
Yet, when I over think the judgements of others, I want to shrink back into my hermit hole (home) where I am safe and secure. Is this anxiety or human nature? I had even stopped writing so freely because of these feelings. I have decided to concore my fears and keep moving forward anyway. What the heck?! Why not?
Clearly the option to retreat into my comfort zone is no longer available. I am in it up to my chin on the campaign trail and most of the time I love it! My fabulous community has embraced me and my efforts to be the change I wish to see. Running for this political position is my noble attempt to really put my effort and energy into bettering my community and myself. Yet the human tendency to second guess is still very real.
I do not second guess why it is that I am making these efforts. I know that the “why” behind my goal is very much to protect what I love. My community, my family and the environment for future generations. To be a voice for those who cannot speak.
It is the how I go about it, that gets me insecure in my efforts. The time and energy campaigning take away from my real life needs and responsibilities is very noticeable. I work less because I campaign more. I am not a trust fund baby. Like most people, working is a necessity to eat and pay the bills. I’m having a tough time balancing work and the campaign responsibilities, which is causing me stress in other areas of life. This is where the second guessing and over thinking comes into play.
Like most people, I try to figure out what it is that is wrong and how I can take steps to fix it.
I feel that the stress and effort will be worth it. When election day comes I want to say that I am happy with my efforts and that I did the best I could to make a difference in my small corner of the world. I will be able to tell myself “You did all you could.” And be okay with the outcome life gives me.
At times I think to myself “Why would someone put themselves through a life consuming, 9 month long, job interview for a position you may not get? Only to work as a public servant who is sometimes ridiculed and unappreciated. Why would you do this if you didn’t have an ulterior motive or a beneficial end game ploy?” This whole experience has taught me how important it is to be authentic. To be authentic in remembering why I am in this position in the first place.
I am running because I feel guided to a way that puts my purpose in line with bettering myself and my community for the greater good. To do my best to move forward towards a sustainable and healthy for the future. To be a leader with integrity that looks out for the greater good, not just what is good and easy right now.
Sometimes it is not profitable to do the right thing. Sometimes it is just best to do what is hard because it’s the right thing to do. That is my goal. I really am just a regular person who never really had political aspirations. I am only me. Standing up and doing what I can to be a voice for our environment because it needs one.
I am learning on this journey that yes, I may second guess words, but you know what? Who doesn’t at times? If, I can say I’ve done all I could to stand up for my beliefs and for others, then I need to be content in that effort. Progress doesn’t come in a straight line to success, it’s a twisted path of ‘Ah ha’s’ and moments of ‘what the heck was I thinking?’ This is life!
I don’t’ believe it is healthy to be certain about everything all the time. That is a dangerous echo chamber, of in the box thinking, that impedes progress or necessary change for improvement.
I believe if I don’t quit, I am still moving ahead. I am choosing to be content with the uncomfortable in-between moments that make us human. It’s okay to question myself, my motives and my uncomfortable situations, it leads to growth.
I will always continue to question myself as this allows me to hold myself to the high standards that I have set for other political leaders. Maybe that is the point?!
Thank you for reading my blog today!
Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister
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Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister